Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tuesday - The Other White Meat

I don't even know what that means..

Never write when bored. Just don't. That boredom will just come out in your writing, boring others. And then, like some sort of plague, you spread your boredom across the land.

Well, not entirely true I guess. We Americans are very determined that if something isn't entertaining the shit out of us, we move on. So when you write, it had better have a purpose other than easing your own boredom.

1) Catharsis. Yep, a little bit of self healin' never hurt anyone.
2) Entertainment. Give the gift that keeps giving.. And no, not "D" cell batteries, you sick little monkey.
3) Education. Pass down your proud heritage through the written word.


So then, O faithful reader, why do I insist on taking up my pen when I have so much time on my hands with nothing to do? Because there is a fourth reason to lift the quill....

4) PUNISHMENT. That just sounds hard-core. But here it is; truth and proof already. I am punishing you with my boredom.

*up on a balcony overlooking this Blog*

STATLER: That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard!
WALDORF: It was terrible!
STATLER: Horrendous!
WALDORF: Well it wasn’t that bad.
STATLER: Oh, yeah?
WALDORF: Well, there were parts of it I liked!
STATLER: Well, I liked alot of it.
WALDORF: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.
STATLER: It was great!
WALDORF: It was wonderful!
STATLER: Yeah, bravo!

(recklessly stolen from two of the finest gentle-puppets in history..)

But no, seriously folks, to the point. If a person writes entirely for themselves, I feel that what's written is usually ..... unavailable to the average reader. It's too private, too personal. I'm sure there are exceptions to this case, I'm positive in fact. But I know in many cases it's true.

It's the ultimate inside joke.

Here's an example.. a few years ago some friends and I decided to create a Podcast. We called it "Starting Now" and it's really a gaming / gamer Podcast designed to let our inner geeks roar.

Anyhow, when it was set up, I initially pictured myself as being the "rebel without a cause", I made my opinions known loud and proud. I was disdainful of other's thoughts and comments. I was obnoxious and .... well, downright awesome (see Statler and Waldorf comments above).

However, as time went on, I started to realize how 'fake' it was. I liked people and I cared what people thought of me, so why was I playing the jerk? And quite frankly, I hate being "That Guy". You know, the irritating one? So, as time went on, my "character" changed altogether to something that I felt I, as a listener, would have enjoyed more.

I don't know if it was successful or not, but I do know that here I am writing about it.

Go freedom of speech.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Why Waste It?

So, I had another BLOG at one time, which in itself isn't very interesting. But at least one of the passages I wrote in it was interesting. So.. why waste it? That BLOG is going to be deleted because it's full of ... dumb things, but this one will live proudly on!!

So here it is, in all of its glory(tm)....

Mondays, Sweet and Blessed Mondays

Nothing to write about. Or, too much to write about. Either way, here I am.

First of all, I should tell you my name - I'm Josh Butterfield. A remarkably un-remarkable name. Whenever I see it written, I always feel like Charlie Brown. Of all the Josh Butterfields of the world, I'm the Josh Butterfieldest. *sigh*

I'm going to pause here for a second since I see some of you in the back are taking notes.. (good on-ya!)


Now then.. So why Monday Blues? And why on Tuesday? Because like a pebble dropped into the center of a very still lake, Monday's craptitude ripples throughout the week.

I know it's really not Monday's fault. It just wants to get along like everyone else. It wants to get through its business in one piece and with as few scrapes and bruises as possible. It has hopes, dreams, loves, wants and needs just like any other day of the week. Yet..... 90% of all trouble and trauma in the universe revolve around Mondays! Seriously. Well, as serious as I can be with a completely made up statistic like that..

Here are more completely useful and factual facts:

  • 83.5% of all woes begin on Monday.
  • 96.88% of all people who have experienced a Monday has complained of ill effects.
  • 3.05% of all Mondays have, to date, not sucked.

These are facts, people! You know it's true because you're reading it on the internet.

All of this is just preamble for the heart of the matter. I'm troubled. Seriously troubled. It goes well beyond "This is a bad day" into "Quick kicking me, destiny!" I've got so much going on that needs fixing that I don't know where to begin. I'm overwhelmed!!

So of course my natural course of action when truly challenged is.... to WRITE ABOUT IT (in terms so completely generic that there's no way it will help the situation and or make me feel better about it..)!


On that truly ambiguous note, I bid you a fond adieu.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


Welcome to my first post. It was originally full of excitement and wonder, woe and dismay, terrible forboding and wonderful omens..

And now it's just my first post.


I'm sure as the blog continues, I'll tell you more about myself, if you care to read on. For now, I'm just drawing a line in the sand and labeling it.. "Start Here".

So I'm starting.

I'm 33 years old this year, and I feel like I'm at kind of a crossroads in my life. Seriously. For about the past two years I've had a mid-life crisis-ish. How, you may ask?

1) I bought a Mid Life Crisismobile. Now I just drive around town waiting for someone to flash the Mid Life Crisisignal into the sky so I can bust into action.

2) I divorced my wife. Well, I mean, my ex-wife. I also divorced her family, her friends, my house, my power-drill, and my really keen entertainment center.. but I digress.

3) My job has become very interesting as of late. I'm sure I'll go into it in excruiating (yet suitably non-job threateningly vague) sort of ways, but for now, just know that its...... interesting.

4) Dating. Since the divorce I've dated close to 30 girls. Seriously. It was the great Flurry O Dating. Most of them consisted of meeting once and never again.. but.. It was miserable.

.... Miserable how? Doesn't everyone love to date? HELL NO. Dating is like looking for a specific sock, in a drawer full of hundreds (nay - THOUSANDS) of other socks. In short, it's painful and mostly boring.

5) That brings us to now. I'm dating a girl I very much dig. I don't just mean "key lime pie at midnight" level of digging.. it's MUCH stronger. I'm sure you'll hear about her more in the future.. You lucky devils!

6) I'm in debt.. I got a little crazy last Christmas, and last year period (what with movin' and all) so I'm getting that all paid down.

7) I'm slowly drifting away from certain friends, and closer to other groups of friends. I think this is fairly cyclic though, as I love all of my friends. I would never intentionally drop out of any of these guys' lives.

8) Eight, eight, I forgot what eight was for...

Ok, if you're still reading this, I have a confession to make.. About the last 3 of those points were really just so I could squeeze in a Femmes reference.

Anyhow, thank you for reading.. I'll try to update often since I can almost picture you sitting there, drooling over the notion of another one of these action packed(!) posts..

Stay tuned. :)