C'mon Now People...

From "Mad World" by Tears for Fears

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad..
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take..
When people run in circles it's a very very....
Mad world... Mad world...

I received something in my email the other day that was kind of crazy. I mean, pot calling the kettle black level of crazy. I certainly don't think any less of the person who sent it to me, but I DO think less of whatever kind of nutjob actually created the damned thing.

There were some valid points in the message. I didn't change EVERYTHING.. but enough of all the pre-game show, read for yourself.

Here's a copy of the original message (shudder):

The resignation speech George W. Bush should give:

Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media.

Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that t, did you?

Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks we just need to sit down and talk to Iran and things would be better (what the hell do you think we have been doing behind the scenes), and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel . Did you sleep through high school or what?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America .

Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.

PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran. Obama alreadyhas his copy.


Here's the slightly revised version, hopefully a little bit more open minded and a little bit less FREAKIN RETARDED:

Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, you people have woken up and smelled the coffee. I figgered there was a chance this would happen, but at least I know I suckered you not once but twice. You may think I'm a terrible president, but you voted me in twice, who's the idiot?

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in
a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: you've got nothing on me. Many of you are saying that if I had enough rope I'd hang myself, but here I am peacefully completing my second term. The worst that is likely to come of my actions is that you're going to steer clear of another 'republican' president for a while. Can't win 'em all, I guess.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed
up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the
world. Or of what's going on in this nation of ours. And the majority
of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out. I never should have been voted into office the second time. Our broken electoral college system scared away half of the voters who would have made a difference, and the fact that Kerry was a nitwit too didn't hurt.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and
the news media.

Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are
too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of conscientious people are more worried about polar bears and the environment than
your economic security. Because does it really matter how much of the earth is destroyed, so long as we can drive around in our SUV's and trucks? And when all that's left is an empty husk, we'll all die rich.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil'
thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's oil
fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush
Lied...People Died' crap either. The fact is, I'm a pretty weak president and I, like all leaders, relied on the people I trust the most to help make these decisions. Well, these people have their own ambitions and goals, and I'll be damned if Iraq didn't turn out to be part of their plans. If I were the liar you take me
for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was
faulty. What I've never confessed is that I believe I, like you, was deceived and manipulated into fighting a losing battle for the wrong reasons.

Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the
goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was
official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton '
established that policy. Bet you didn't know that t, did you? I only mention this because I want to shed any accountability for this whole affair. It sickens me about the same way that it sickens you. The difference is, I bull-headedly continued a losing battle out of pride and stubbornness, rather than admitting we made a mistake. I hope Dad is proud of me, but I'm guessing probably not.

Now some of you want to be led by a junior senator with real charisma, a fresh outlook and a willingness to improve our global standings with the rest of the world. Good for you. If I had my way we'd have seceded from the rest of the world and ignored them. If he gets into office, there's a good chance real change will happen to our global facing image. I'm glad you finally asked yourselves "Why does the rest of the world hate Americans?" We're all proud of our country, and we should be, but why is everyone else either afraid of us, angry at us, or at the least, pitying us. We don't need their pity, we are the leaders of the world and apparently you all are starting to realize we should act like it.

You need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during
the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to
outspend and out-tech them. Be proud of that victory, it was a great one not only for us, but for the world. It established us as THE world leader.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care
if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can.
But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the
globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in
the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've
got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law
enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and
difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars
should last a few months, a few years, tops. Is 10 billion US dollars really too much to spend on this cause? Our troops are the finest in the world, and always have been. So why are we wasting them in a place they're obviously not wanted? If this is the way we're going to act, so be it. We have the strength, we have the right.. but if we're going to do this, let's be consistent. Let us put our forces in every country that we feel needs fixing. Otherwise, the rest of the world will question our agenda.

Making matters worse, you're finally starting to carefully watch the media. You should be smart enough to realize that each form of media is biased. It just is. Just like each person in the world has their bias, each person who writes about the world shares that bias with the world. I'd like to associate every media source with communism, socialism, Marxism, ham and cheese sandwhichisms because I've come to realize that fear is a very valid tactic with you people. If I make outrageous claims about someone stating that they have wild ….. intercourse…. With chipmunks, even if most of you are smart enough to ignore my claims, there are some of you who say to yourself "AHA, that explains why their views differ from mine!"

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over
the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today,
or on NBC News. Why? Well, truth as I define it is black and white. The fact is, there's a grain of truth in everything that's been said on both sides of the campaign. EVERYTHING. I define the truth by isolating the part that I want to get across, while my opponents define the truth as their part. I know I've dealt in absolutes in the past, as have people on both sides of the equation. Anyone who believes everything they're told or read deserves what they get.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion
that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear
of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before anyone thinks to bring charges to me and my organization. I'm just sick to death of the whole affair and want to forget I was ever a part of it.

So that's it. Stand proud America.

Some of you know what I mean. The rest are probably blissfully ignorant. Either way, thanks for 8 lucky as hell years..

PS – fear tactics are a form of terrorism. People who buy into absolutism and who feed absolutism through ridiculous radical statements, and messages like this are a very (admittedly lame) form of fear tactic and ultimately, terrorism. Before you buy in to anything like this, look into the facts yourself.

Be proud for the right reasons. Be humble for the right reasons, but for the love of all that is holy, be afraid for the right reasons.


So I sent this to a good friend of mine, who happens to be very talented.. She was shocked at first, thinking I wrote the first one, but persevered until the second one. She, who will remain nameless, sent me a response that almost had me peeing my pants..

Apparently she's already had her eye on the growing popularity of Cheese Sandwhichism.







(Thank you, good Doctor, for a great laugh!)

Pure, Undiluted AWESOMENESS

From "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger

been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding
the cretins cloning and feeding
and i don't even own a tv

..... we own 3 TVs. *blush*

I would never try to convince you, O gentle reader, to vote in any one way or another. In fact, I won't even tell you how I'd like to vote this year. Mostly because you don't care, but also because I respect your individuality.

HOWEVER, whichever side of the fence you're on, I hope you find this anywhere near as entertaining as I did.

Further, I was surprised to find out that it doesn't matter who I vote for, the whole thing is in God's hands. I would have figured God for a "Green Party" kind of guy, but I admit I'm a laymen at both religion and politics.

More Random Thoughts.. (slightly abridged..)

She refuses to get a Blog for many reasons.. but her random thoughts are always awesome. So, here's a bit from the mind of my sweetheart...



From "Crazy On You" by Heart..

My love is the evenin' breeze touchin' your skin
The gentle, sweet singin' of leaves in the wind
The whisper that calls after you in the night
And kisses your ear in the early moonlight
And you don't need to wonder, you're doing fine
My love, the pleasure's mine

Since I don't have a blog, and I'm quite sure no one cares even a nanometer close to my Muffin about what I'm thinking, I thought since you are so particularly awesome I would let you it on some of the random thoughts of amazingness that have been and are currently running through my head today-strap yourself in, honey, here we go:

Muffin is awesome. He puts pictures of monkeys with guns on his blog then compliments himself about putting monkeys with guns On his blog...haha! [I'm my own biggest fan, what can I say?]

"Guns don't kill people-people kill people and monkeys do to-if they've got a gun. Click click BOOM!" - quoted from the most magnificant man in a skirt, Eddie Izzard.

Jeremy sure is a crazy-go-nuts Cavedoll fanboy... :) [Cavedoll IS cool, and apparently they've met several times in real life.. I'm more jealous than I'd admit, I always tend to miss the Cavedoll shows due to other commitments. *cry*]

If there were no calories in caramel sauce I think I'd put it on EVERYTHING! [Everything? *buys a few gallons of caramel sauce*]

I really like chatting with [this name omitted so as to protect the innocent... but it rhymes with Haira!]

It was really weird having to be silent during Dork Tower last night, even for just those few moments. It was almost sort of a panicky feeling not being able to communicate about the smallest non-pressing things for that short amount of time. If we all the sudden lost the ability to speak-what would happen to the world? I'm guessing once we gained it back again there would be a lot less texting...I know I realized just how much I take it for granted in those few seconds-kind of eerie... [reminds me of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode called Hush.. It was really good. in situations like that you REALLY find out who is a good communicator and who isn't.. ]

Do animals laugh? [not to our faces, my dear, that would be RUDE!]

Has Beeky ever laughed? I wonder what he would be like if he were a person cuz he's kind of a dick sometimes, but other times he's just a sweet little boy-typical guy I suppose ;) [this is the cat in question.. I'm not buyin' the sweet little boy thing..]



I can't believe they put "Barack OSama" on the ballots in that town in New York. Those things have to be proofread by 3 DIFFERENT PEOPLE before they are printed for the masses-the "S" is no where near the "B" you fools! Maybe they have Brent's dumb keyboard configuration setup-damn commi bastards! [Brent uses the Dvorak keyboard settings - it allows him to type like 600 words a minute..]

I wonder what Muffin is thinking about right now...I have one guess-and it's usually right ;P [she was right..]

I wonder who invented high heels? I'm thinking it was a guy who wanted to make it harder for women to run away... [conspiracy theory, or fact? YOU decide...]

I wonder what sort of stuff in other countries are referred to as "American such and such" like Dutch apple pie, or Swedish meatballs, or German pancakes...it's probably something "AWESOME" like American hotdogs :) [American Know-How? American ingenuity? Good question hon!]

How does dirt know when it's clean? [.................]

I hope we can get muppies for Christmas... [not 'muppets' folks, Kermit's safe I promise]

I hope Muffin's ready for [edited by me.. you guys can't have ALL our secrets..]!

Preeeeow!

<3

Observations

From "Once In A Lifetime" by Talking Heads

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? ...am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!...what have I done?

Just a few random things I've noticed across the past couple of days.

Last night I was driving home from work and I saw a girl in a mid-80's Toyota enono-car (manual transmission) driving along beside me. This girl must have been in her mid 20's I'm guessing..

Anyhow, she's driving down the street and plucking her eyebrows with her left hand, texting and operating the stick with her other. At no point in the three-and-a-half minutes that I drove along beside her did I ever see her look at the road.

....For all of that, she never swerved, never stopped too early or too late. In fact, if I hadn't of seen her doing these things inside the car, I never would have believed it just by looking at the driving itself.

So my question (or observation) is; are these functions just becoming so intuitive to people now a days that they're starting to be able to truly multi-task around them? Or was this girl exceptional?

Observation 2... No matter how little sleep I get, no matter how bad work is going to be, or how bad it was yesterday and no matter what the day holds for me, waking up with my sweetheart in my arms always makes me feel like a million dollars.

She does this thing where she'll be asleep (I try to get ready very quietly) and just before I'm about to walk out the door and she says:

"Muuuuuffin?"

Every day. And every day I walk around to her side of the bed and give her about a hundred kisses and one last hug before leaving for work.

And people ask me why my life is so good and I'm always so happy!

Observation 3... I predict that 300 years from now, Coffee will be to us like "The Spice" is to the people in Herbert's Dune books. Whoever controls the coffee will control the universe. In fact, I suspect that within 300 years, we will no longer drink water as we currently know it.

Nostradamus look out!!

Observation 4... One day I figured it out that if each person in Utah were to give me 15 cents, I would be a 334,975.35aire. My only thought is; how do I put operation "Gimme Yo Damned Change" into effect? I need to write a book about this... In the meanwhile, please set aside 15 cents for me. YES, I will take pennies.

Observation 5... Heated leather seats are my Rogue's way of letting me know it loves me. Or at least it loves me for my butt. Or maybe it JUST loves my butt. ..... Jeez! Way to make me feel like a piece of meat, Rogue. *GLARE*

Observation 6... I'm going to start talking to myself in my shoutbox. Speaking of shoutbox, does anyone else feel like they need to type in all caps in order to effectively live up to the shouting part of the equation?

Observation 7... I like Blogging. I just think that's an unfortunate name for it. I mean.. blog? It sounds like Blah and Log. Both of which have connotations that make me feel like I'm doing something repulsive. That may be too much information...

Observation 8... Woot!

Obersvation 9... Speaking of Woot, my girlfriend wrote me a hilarious message the other day telling me that Sprint was using "WOOT" in their new advertisements.. She said we needed to sue them for copyright infringement.. I think she's on to something. This may actually reduce the amount of money you all need to send me.. stay tuned for more details.

Observation 9...



Ya know? Seriously.

Small Correction - WDtCP Post

Ok, slight correction..

Cat Stevens WAS a very cool musician. He ended up making some life choices that took him away from the type of music I enjoyed for many years. Apparently he's just barely getting back into it, but you just can't... go... home....

So when I say Cat Stevens is cool, I mean; Cat Stevens was one helluva musician before he embraced religion.

Which.. Man, you know, I try to be open minded and supportive of people and their choices. A person could make sweet whoopee to Emus for all I care.. but what I can't abide is people who make a conscious choice to give up something that is so obviously an inherent part of their being.

WTF man? WTF?

I thank my heathenistic ways that Michaelangelo, Monet, Van Gogh, David Byrne, Steven Brust didn't get 'the call' forcing them to turn their backs on what they are.

I respect religions for certain things.. Specifically, I dig that they usually have a doctrine of peace and brotherly love.. I wish more people were generous, caring and compassionate. I guess it's just frustrating to me that humanity (in general - please don't feel the overwhelming need to be included in this generalization if it doesn't apply to you..) NEEDS a god standing over your shoulder telling you to not steal, lie, cheat, covet and kill.

Seriously, folks, WTF?

A good parallel is; do you really need a warning sticker on a curling iron that says "Please don't stick this hot curling iron up your ass" for you to realize that it's a bad idea? Do you really need a strangely ethereal (and often floaty) deity teaching you manners and respect?

Well if you do you're a freakin nitwit. By the way, please don't stick a hot curling iron up your ass!

I'm proud to say that I've never begged the FSM for any special favors, treatment or advice. Why? Because I know with a vast certainty that any advice his Noodly benigness would grant would merely be an echo of my own thoughts and feelings.

I have my own demons, I know. I'm not perfect. Hell, if perfect were a spot on the map, I wouldn't even be ON the same map. But the mistakes I make are mine. The glories and the triumphs I have are mine. No toga-toting holy roller with an ultra-violet aura is going to steal my thunder or be my scapegoat.

I recently watched a show called Religulous. If you hven't seen it, I invite you to check it out.

*pant pant pant*

......

*sigh*

And do you know what makes me even more angry (or sad, as the case may be..) is that I am afraid to say anything that might really upset certain religious types. Why? Well, if they're going to booze up and riot for someone showing an image on a cartoon, what will they do if someone says "Jeez, your religion scares the shit out of me! Enough that I'm afraid to say it scares the shit out of me!"

Well, enough of that.. I'm scared. I'm scared to freakin death of certain religions. I applaud those brave enough to create shows and essays like Religulus. In light of recent murders and bombings and rampant death and killings, I think they've got balls of titanium. (Or, breasts of titanium.. as the case may be). I know that it was only a small number of certain sects of certain religions that have done this..

...... but they did it.

Where Do The Children Play?

From "Where Do The Children Play" by Cat Stevens

Well you've cracked the sky, scrapers fill the air.
But will you keep on building higher 'til there's no more room up there?
Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry?
Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die?

Cat Stevens is cool. I mean, really cool. If you haven't ever picked up a Cat Stevens album, I'd strongly recommend Tea for the Tillerman.

My mom was a bit of a hippie, I think (bless her soul) and she owned a ton of Van Morrison, The Doors, Cat Stevens, the Beatles and Jefferson Airplane albums in an old crate. They were a bit banged up, but they were beautiful.

I can't describe the way the slip-cases looked in that crate. Each one like a wall poster of glorious full color art. Lots of folks I know have only ever seen CD's, or even CD's and Tapes with their small square and rectangle cases..

I mention all of this because there was a certain style of art that was prevalent back in 'the day'. Or, if not prevalent, I saw it an awful lot. And let me tell you, O gentle readers, it was damned spooky.

Nightmares-to-this-day level of spooky.

They had soft colors, somewhat rounded edges and just white for eyes. The kids didn't look cute or even normal, they looked like they came from some dark and under-developed corner of my psyche.

"We don't have bones and guts, we've got marshmallows and evil... come play with us.."

Tea For the Tillerman had one of the spoooookiest ones ever.



*shiver*

I remember sitting on the couch peeping over the arm-rest at the crate and seeing this cover. I was so paralyzed by fear I just stared at it, barely breathing and blinking, for maybe three hours. I SWEAR to you that the kids moved a bit, and the crazy tea-dude seemed to be laughing at me.

Scare-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Don't even get me started on Jethro Tull's Aqualung. (( ......... Writing this post makes me feel old. ))