Monday, March 23, 2009

Sea of Stupidity

I sailed across a misty sea,
the dark sea of stupidity.
Where many creatures gazed at me,
who thought my wit a mystery.

I reached out for the farthest shore,
but through the mist and seabirds soar,
I caught a glimpse, but nothing more.
of that long sought far off shore.

So now I fight the furious tide,
as salt and sea blind my eyes..
I savor not, this joyless ride,
which only ends on yonder side!

Even now, while I speak,
the floorboards of my soul grow weak,
and as each wave bares its peak,
I dearly dream of the shore I seek..

One thing, yet, may bring me peace..
the sweet solemn peace of thought release,
but of my mind the sharks will feast..
dare I tempt the angry seas.
On the dark sea of stupidity.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

From Russia with Love

From "Russian Girls" by Sasha Dith

Russian, russian, russian girls, my baby
Give me, give me all your love
Russian, russian, russian girls
You take my soul...

The other day my fiancee and I were having Pho in our favorite little Vietnamese restaurant (Pho Green Papaya) when I noticed that my mug was made in Russia. And then it hit me..

I miss the cold war.

Sad, I know. But they made for such an imposing adversary. Their country was bigger, scarier, gruffer and more.. well - RUSSIAN than ours. Heck, even when you look at their country's acronym it was more imposing:



They were enough of a scare that to be branded a communist (or a RED) was enough to ruin your career or at least make you miserable. I look at who the US has tense relations with now a days and I realize that they're just squabbles or posturing. Something that we, alas, have set an example of.

I know it's stating the obvious, but O what a different era we were in. MAD hanging in the air like a real possibility. Thinly veiled threats and dire warnings. Spy games going on with reckless abandon (spy movies flourishing ...)

Maybe "I miss the cold war" is too strong a statement. After all, I am positive I was too young to really know what was going on around me. But I felt like I was in a movie with good guys and bad guys, and it was clear which was which. Not only that, but I don't miss the fact that the world was in genuine peril and it took the work of a good many people to keep the fragile peace.

Nothing is that simple anymore. Maybe it never was, but it sure felt simple then. Now everything is innuendo and hidden agendas. Torture happening in dark places, corrupt officials at all levels. It was easier to trust our government when we had such a terrifying nemesis rearing up to strike overshadowing our own shortcomings. How easy to forgive and forget when we must band together against a common enemy. Now that the shadow of imminent destruction has been lifted and daylight is shining on our own faults and foibles, it's just downright embarrassing.

Maybe that's it.. maybe it's the current air of rightfully earned cynicism that has me feeling like theirs was the better era. Maybe it's the rose colored goggles of nostalgia and not the truth, but again, that's what if feels like.

And lastly, and let's be honest with ourselves folks, the 80's had cooler cartoons.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Ducks - the Horror!

From "Opiate" by Tool

Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow
What you need is someone strong to guide you
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow
Let me lay my holy hand a, hand upon you

Filthy creatures, really. Ducks.

So I'm in a brand new office, one wall is dominated by two huge glass windows. They overlook one of the most beautiful business courtyards I've ever seen. However, my office is situated so that my back is to my windows, and with how much time I spend with my nose to the grindstone, I seldom get to see it.

Here's the view from my window after a recent storm:

Still quite scenic, little water fount / fall

Here's the fall part.

Pulled back a bit.. You can see the other buildings across the way.

Little bridge, and a normally well kept grounds (hard to see in the snow)

The whole tamale!

Anyhow, it's like my second day in the office, and I haven't had a chance to really enjoy the view, but some folks I work with wandered in while I was between meetings.. As they chatted with me about a few minor work things, their eyes kept flitting outside, softening as they observed Mother Nature(tm) in all of her glory. It's important to note that these ladies are all very mature, very professional and decently conservative.

Finally one of them speaks up..

One of Them: You have the most amazing view, don't you just love to watch the ducks?

I had to honestly admit, I didn't really give them any thought.. I hadn't had TIME to enjoy 'em. So, pausing mid conversation, I spun my chair and looked outside.

RIGHT outside my office, straight out from my window and right next to the pond, a male duck started chasing around a female duck. The female was screaming for help, but the other ducks just didn't make eye contact. It wasn't just a scream but it was this desperate screeching wail that sounded wholly miserable!

Finally, the guy duck, having gotten a good handle on the struggling gal, and having forced her into the water, started humping away at SheDuck for god and glory. At this point, another guy duck, swimming around in the water stopped and looked for all the world like he was taking notes on the first duck's technique.

Finally, with one last warbling cry, HeDuck jumped off, flapped his wings a bit and started swimming off with his note taking buddy.

Of course, this is just nature - right? But in my mind the poor SheDuck was down in the water, trying to stop the tears and clean up the duckscara that was running down her face.

Slowly, I spun my chair back around, mouth dropped completely open in shock and horror, eyes wide with disgust..

The three ladies in my office, stared over my shoulder, each of them wearing a look of sheer horror.

They filed out of my office without another word, and not ONE of them has mentioned my view again.

Freakin' ducks...

Friday, March 6, 2009

New Driver's License...hoboy

From "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

So I go in to get my picture taken, right, but then I think.. "I'm ready for my close-up now..." They call my name to come up and I approach like I'm walking the catwalk, baby, onthe catwalk. (I just wanted them to have a small taste of what was coming..)

When I got to the chosen spot, I spun on one heel and faced the camera giving them my patented look "The Swedish Fishmonger" , and believe me, this look puts the GRRRRR in Fishmonger!

The lady behind the machine just looked at me, stunned by the double barrel blast of hawtness, but somehow managed to stammer out her spiel.

Yes yes, verify everything is good on screen.
Yes yes, stand right here.
Yes yes, smile for the camera...

So I whipped out my little portable hand-fan. You know, the battery operated type that makes that faint whirring noise and kicks up enough air to cool you off on a toasty summer day?

Still wearing the SF(tm) I turned the fan to hit my face, whipping my hair into a sweet wind-tunnel effect, like I was running the final leg in Chariots of Fire...

Time slowed down for me as the lady snapped the shot, and you know, I think I heard the pop of an old timey flashbulb and smelled the faint whif of ozone!

.... on the catwalk.. yeah, on the catwalk!