Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Hollywood Undead

From "Bitches" By Hollywood Undead

Bitches I hope you know
I won't stop 'til I hit that hoe
Shorty come say hello
And get your drunk ass over here let's bone


Hollywood undead is my guilty pleasure. They've got powerful tunes, dynamite synergy between members and an incredible incredible sound. This band is amazing!

So why a guilty pleasure considering all that? Check out the title of one of their tracks (Bitches, as shown above..). Damned near every song is about "bitches" and "40's" and some combination of getting laid, getting drunk or pulling out gats. Usually at least two of the three!

I get it, you're from LA. You grew up on the street, which was tough as hell. You hung out with gangsters and partied hard.. But, looking past that, you've got talent. Crazy talent. Crazy synergy, and a seriously crazy sound.

These guys could lay down a tune about the ingredients in Cocoa Puffs and I would be enthralled. ..... I may actually be more enthralled and not hate myself for being a lil Undead junkie.

Not that they would care - I'm a thirty something who grew up on Violent Femmes, Beastie Boys and Love and Rockets. I work in an office all day, and have always avoided the skreet scene. I'm guessing I'm not the target audience.


Here's another great example of a tune that's catchy, great beat, put together in an interesting way and completely juvenile...

Though the single coolest tune they've got is...


The worst part is; despite the incredibly juvenile subject matter, these guys can put lyrics together. I almost want to challenge them.. Write a song about:

Cheese Sandwichism
Selling out
Surviving the streets
The Future
The environment..

Is it fair for me to want them to write about ANYTHING other than the holy triumvirate of teenage partying? Probably not. If they changed, they may just lose that edge that makes them so fresh. At the same time, I know they can do it.. their song "Circles" feels sincere..

Tha Producer:
Take my hand lets go,
Somewhere we can rest our souls.
We'll sit where it's warm,
You say look we're here alone.

I was running in circles,
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.

I'm scattered through this life.
If this is life I'll say good bye.
She's gone like an angel,
With wings let me burn tonight.

I was running in circles,
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.

Johnny 3 Tears:
I see me writin on this paper.
Prayin for some savior.
Wishin *to* intake her and save her.

In a world so, so godless *so* thoughtless,
I dont know how we wrought this,
All the love that you brought us.

It feels like I'm killin myself.
Just wheelin myself.
Just to pray for some help.

I'd give it all just to have, have your eternity.
Cause it's all that assures me.
It's worth all that hurts me.
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

I'd give you my heart,
And *I'd* let you just hold it.
I'd give you my soul,
But I already sold it.

On that day that day,
I walked away in December.
I will always remember.
I'll regret it forever.

I remember brown eyes,
So sad and blue skies.
Turned to darkness and night.
I'm so sick of the fight.

I won't breathe unless you breathe,
Won't bleed unless you bleed.
Won't be unless you be,
‘Till I'm gone and I can sleep.

I was running in circles,
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect. (x2)

Tha Producer:
I've gone away,
Seen better times in yesterday (I hurt myself).
It's hard to say,
That everything will be okay (I hurt myself).

I've gone away,
Seen better times in yesterday (I hurt myself).
It's hard to say,
That everything will be okay (I hurt myself).

Pretty damned good. I guess the long story short here is; check out Swan Songs. You may hate them, or love them, or hate yourself for loving them, but there's a good chance they'll make a serious impression on you.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Near Death

I have a friend, named Ben, that I haven't seen in ages. He moved back East a while ago to be near family and hasn't come back. (I know - come back to Utah? JEEPERS! ) We were well nigh inseparable for a while there, and were room-mates several times.

Why am I telling you all of this, O gentle reader?

I ALSO have a couple of scars on the back of my right hand, just below my pinky. One of them looks like a bass-clef, sort of, and the other does its best river Nile impersonation. If you will bear with my rambling for a moment, I'll take you back to the fateful day it happened...

Both Ben and I hated washing dishes, and after being room-mates long enough we figured we couldn't pawn it off on the other, so we tag-teamed 'em. I'd wash, and he'd rinse or whatever.. Went pretty fast, really, but I digress...

So there we were, one dark night, washing and rinsing away and bullshitting as we always did. I had my hand in a tall straight-sided glass and was getting that hard-to-get stuff at the bottom. A small circle of the glass broke out while I was swishing my hand back and forth inside the glass, and instantly I had a huge gash on my hand.

Of course, my hand is sitting in very hot (and sudsy) dishwater, which did its magic and pulled damned near every drop of blood out of my body (ok ok, so not every drop, but a LOT of drops..). Instantly the dish-water was a soupy dark red and I become very light headed.

Ben, who noticed before I did, did an honest to goodness tarzan AAAHHHHHHHH scream and yanked my hand out of the water.

For about half a mili-second he kept my hand over my head, hoping to slow the bleeding and then he really busted into action:

1) Pulling me away from the sink and instructing me to keep my hand OVER my head to slow the bleeding.
2) Running over to the top of the fridge (scant feet away) to grab a loaf of white bread
3) Jamming his hand into the loaf and coming out with a fist-full of white bread
4) Cramming the bread, all in a wad into my mouth (which felt incredibly dry in my weakened state..)
5) Giving me strict instructions to chew the bread and it would keep me from passing out..

I might add that chewing the bread turned into me opening my mouth and closing my mouth about ten times, each time with a huge wad of bread falling out.

6) Rushing into the bathroom and quickly returning with a roll of toilet paper

Everyone knows that blood loss causes loss of hearing (.....) so I was thankful that the guy standing inches away was yelling into my ear.. It almost made me forget that I was dying!!

8) Frantically wrapping an entire roll of toilet paper around my hand so that it looked like a mummified soccer ball.
9) Grabbing me, and flinging me over his shoulder to carry me out to his truck while shouting "KEEP IT ABOVE YOUR HEART!!!"
10) Driving 90 miles an hour (!!!) down to the insta-care and carrying me inside, finally propping me up just inside the door to wait for care.


Sensing that I was clearly on the very brink of death, they rushed me back to Punky Brewster meets Pippy Longstocking..

She had pink and blue hair in huge pig tails, black and white striped nylons, short shorts (pre-yowwwwwwwwwww), and boots that looked like witches shoes.


Many stitches later, I was back on the way home, occasionally pausing to cough up some white bread.

I still have those scars to this day, and if anyone asks me about them, I usually reply that it was a grizzly bear attack or barracuda bite.. whatever tough and manly tall tale I can come up with.

Why? Well, because I'm just not sure anyone would be the real story. ;)