Monday, November 17, 2008
I just flipped off President George
I'm going to dizz knee land
I've said it before; Hoffmangler's got talent. Mad talent, yo. He put together a video that highlights our trip to Disneyland back in "the day". I still get misty every time I watch it.
Here's a live version of one of his (apparently most well known) songs, 1952 Vincent Black Lightning.
What a great love story. A man, his motorcycle and his red-headed girl. In fact, his entire Rumour and Sigh CD is fantastic. Come over and I'll lend you my copy of this excellent excellent CD.
*editors note, this CD actually belongs to a good friend of mine who lent it to me all the way back in High School. And unless he drags his ass back to Salt Lake, he's not getting it back. Bwahahahahahhaa
Everyone has a list of CD's that they have probably listened to a million times, and will probably listen to another million in their life. This CD is on my list and quite highly placed!
I think earlier on my BLOG I mentioned some of the other faves of mine.
So why am I reminiscing about this? My good friend Hoffmangler went to Youtube and posted a list of his favorite tunes (and videos) from the 90's. His list is pretty damned good, and kicked off my own stroll down memory lane.
He left a few notable ones off, but I'm here to tell ya, if you were looking for 'alternative' music that embodied the 90's, look no further than Hoffmangler's list.
Either way, before I go I'd like to share another bit of twisted genius from Richard Thompson...
A man sits down to write a letter, but instead he writes a book
The book begins, Dear Sir, I don't know if you're interested, but
Your wife is a whore...
A man gets on a train and proceeds to take all his clothes off
He begins to play with himself-and he says,
In my country, this is definitely not offensive...
A man pours petrol through his neighbour's letterbox and throws in a match
Soon the house isengulfed in flames
As the neighbors jump
From the upstairs window he films the whole thing on video
He plays it back to them later in hospital
Things have been pretty dull
At home without you, he says...
A man pushes a lawnmower two hundred miles on his knees
To the tomb of the unknown gardener
Great One, he cries,
I have done my penance
I bring my offering
Grant me-grant me-
Psycho Street, frinedly people down on
Psycho Street, good neighbours
Down on Psycho Street
If you need a hand, need a friend, we understand
If you need a pal, we'll be there, any how
A man stakes his neighbour's ct to the barbecue
And turns on the gas
now are you going to talk he says,
Or am I going to have to get nasty...
A man has an inflatable doll made that looks exactly like his wife
He murders his wife, dissolves her body in acid, and marries the doll
Three years later he leaves her
For another doll...
A man hands his son a brick and says, son,
Throw this brick through the greenhouse next door
The boy does
The boy next door throws one back
It hits the man on the head and mortally wounds him
Ah well, he says as his lifeblood trickles away,
Boys will be boys...
A thoughtful woman sends her best friend a parcel
Inside, it says, is a free sample
Full body beauty treatment, but it really contains acids and chemicalls
When her friend tries it, her hair falls out,
Her face is wrinkled and her body scarred
The thoughtful turns to her husband and winks, and says.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Don't want to be an American idiot
One nation controlled by the Media
Information age of hysteria
It's going out to idiot America
I'm just going to say it.. I'm pro-gay marriage. Why should I care that two people are doing what makes them happy AND that they get equal benefits that any other lawfully wedded couple should get.
I've seen a lot of for and against this article, but what it boils right down to is that apparently there are people who believe being gay is a sin. Why? I guess this is the same people that believe that fellatio is a sin.
**Edited - removed due to reports of these comments being offensive. Apologies if you were offended!
I don't care if you are against 'em. That's your right.. but what's next? If the bible told you that people with green eyes were evil, would we try to outlaw them too?
Ya know.. I don't recall any wars headed up by gay people. No "CrusGAYdes", no holy wars.. I never see stories in the paper about how a gay person has committed some sort of heinous hate crime.. Why is it that those who purport to be the most righteous are the most small minded about what being righteous means?
Seems to me like the pot is calling the kettle black here. Didn't the great bearded one say something about glass houses and throwing stones?
And now it seems like it's a battle of semantics. Marriage has been a defined word and if they changed the definition, that they'd have to change the definition of family and parents..
I feel like I'm bombarded with social regression more and more each day. If it offends you so much, I'm afraid you're going to have to leave the planet. Because I'm afraid most of the rest of the world is already on board.
Monday, November 3, 2008
I've been thinking 'bout catching a train
Leave my phone machine by the radar range
Hello it's me, I'm not at home
If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone
A change would do you good
A change would do you good
Sorry folks, it's true. I am no longer a blogger. All three of you who have frequented my blog in the past should be notified..
I am now a Bloggadier! That's right.. A Bloggadier!
Ok, well, in all seriousness.. Who came up with the term Blog? Were there really no other choices? I love doing it, but I hate saying it. I always feel like I should GRUNT loudly when talking about it.
I still remember walking home from High School where one of my friends mentioned casually to me:
Friend- "You know they came up with a new name for the type of music you listen to?"
Me- "Huh? They need ANOTHER freakin way to classify music?"
Friend- "Yeah, I guess they didn't like Modern music because so much of it is in the 80's now!"
Me- "................... You're kidding?"
Friend- "Nope. It's called Alternative Music now.. How cool is that?"
Me- "Alternative?! What is it the alternative to? LAME! I refuse to ever call it that.."
And yet, here I am almost 18 years later calling it that. If someone asks me what type of music I listen to, I can't even keep up with all of the new classifications.
Why do humans feel the need to classify everything to death? We do it with everything!!
With never having any real psychology training, I am sure it has something to do with people's need to identify with things they see in themselves. By calling the music alternative, I wonder if it wasn't just a way to say "We're different! We're small and we're underdogs, but we don't care!"
That tended to be a pretty big theme with a lot of the folks who listened to that type of music. Obviously, not true of everyone (or even most) folks who listened to it, just my little slice of friends that did.
What's worse is people who classify based on prejudice. I heard on the radio that some people actually believe that Barack Obama is going to put all the Christians in concentration camps.
What that says to me is that Obama has been classified as non-christian. Why? Because he's black? Because of his middle name?
I tend to be decently even keeled when it comes to politics. But I have seen some pretty extreme statements from the great unwashed after and about this latest election that makes me sad for my country.
It's sad and ironic that in a country that values freedom above everything else, people are slaves to preconceived notions about entire groups of people. Further, how embarassing that in my country everyone has the right and privelage to be an outspoken bigot or fascist.
A wise and wonderful girl confessed to me that she was scared for the future of the United States. Not because of the financial crunch, not because she was concerned about the presidency.. but because she was scared that one day all of the extremist nutjobs (pick your flavor) will be unhappy with the fact that OTHER RACES, CREEDS AND CULTURES of Americans are getting the same rights.
Are people really so selfish and small that it matters? Why would you not want others to have a piece of the greatness that we've got?
I am proud to be an American. But I reserve the right to be proud of some of my fellow Americans. It's 2008, folks. Wake up and smell the world..
Saturday, October 25, 2008
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad..
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take..
When people run in circles it's a very very....
Mad world... Mad world...
I received something in my email the other day that was kind of crazy. I mean, pot calling the kettle black level of crazy. I certainly don't think any less of the person who sent it to me, but I DO think less of whatever kind of nutjob actually created the damned thing.
There were some valid points in the message. I didn't change EVERYTHING.. but enough of all the pre-game show, read for yourself.
Here's a copy of the original message (shudder):
The resignation speech George W. Bush should give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media.
Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that t, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks we just need to sit down and talk to Iran and things would be better (what the hell do you think we have been doing behind the scenes), and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel . Did you sleep through high school or what?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America .
Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran. Obama alreadyhas his copy.
Here's the slightly revised version, hopefully a little bit more open minded and a little bit less FREAKIN RETARDED:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, you people have woken up and smelled the coffee. I figgered there was a chance this would happen, but at least I know I suckered you not once but twice. You may think I'm a terrible president, but you voted me in twice, who's the idiot?
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in
a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: you've got nothing on me. Many of you are saying that if I had enough rope I'd hang myself, but here I am peacefully completing my second term. The worst that is likely to come of my actions is that you're going to steer clear of another 'republican' president for a while. Can't win 'em all, I guess.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed
up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the
world. Or of what's going on in this nation of ours. And the majority
of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out. I never should have been voted into office the second time. Our broken electoral college system scared away half of the voters who would have made a difference, and the fact that Kerry was a nitwit too didn't hurt.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and
the news media.
Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are
too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of conscientious people are more worried about polar bears and the environment than
your economic security. Because does it really matter how much of the earth is destroyed, so long as we can drive around in our SUV's and trucks? And when all that's left is an empty husk, we'll all die rich.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil'
thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq 's oil
fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush
Lied...People Died' crap either. The fact is, I'm a pretty weak president and I, like all leaders, relied on the people I trust the most to help make these decisions. Well, these people have their own ambitions and goals, and I'll be damned if Iraq didn't turn out to be part of their plans. If I were the liar you take me
for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was
faulty. What I've never confessed is that I believe I, like you, was deceived and manipulated into fighting a losing battle for the wrong reasons.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the
goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was
official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton '
established that policy. Bet you didn't know that t, did you? I only mention this because I want to shed any accountability for this whole affair. It sickens me about the same way that it sickens you. The difference is, I bull-headedly continued a losing battle out of pride and stubbornness, rather than admitting we made a mistake. I hope Dad is proud of me, but I'm guessing probably not.
Now some of you want to be led by a junior senator with real charisma, a fresh outlook and a willingness to improve our global standings with the rest of the world. Good for you. If I had my way we'd have seceded from the rest of the world and ignored them. If he gets into office, there's a good chance real change will happen to our global facing image. I'm glad you finally asked yourselves "Why does the rest of the world hate Americans?" We're all proud of our country, and we should be, but why is everyone else either afraid of us, angry at us, or at the least, pitying us. We don't need their pity, we are the leaders of the world and apparently you all are starting to realize we should act like it.
You need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during
the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to
outspend and out-tech them. Be proud of that victory, it was a great one not only for us, but for the world. It established us as THE world leader.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care
if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can.
But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in
the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've
got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law
enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and
difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars
should last a few months, a few years, tops. Is 10 billion US dollars really too much to spend on this cause? Our troops are the finest in the world, and always have been. So why are we wasting them in a place they're obviously not wanted? If this is the way we're going to act, so be it. We have the strength, we have the right.. but if we're going to do this, let's be consistent. Let us put our forces in every country that we feel needs fixing. Otherwise, the rest of the world will question our agenda.
Making matters worse, you're finally starting to carefully watch the media. You should be smart enough to realize that each form of media is biased. It just is. Just like each person in the world has their bias, each person who writes about the world shares that bias with the world. I'd like to associate every media source with communism, socialism, Marxism, ham and cheese sandwhichisms because I've come to realize that fear is a very valid tactic with you people. If I make outrageous claims about someone stating that they have wild ….. intercourse…. With chipmunks, even if most of you are smart enough to ignore my claims, there are some of you who say to yourself "AHA, that explains why their views differ from mine!"
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over
the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today,
or on NBC News. Why? Well, truth as I define it is black and white. The fact is, there's a grain of truth in everything that's been said on both sides of the campaign. EVERYTHING. I define the truth by isolating the part that I want to get across, while my opponents define the truth as their part. I know I've dealt in absolutes in the past, as have people on both sides of the equation. Anyone who believes everything they're told or read deserves what they get.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion
that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear
of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before anyone thinks to bring charges to me and my organization. I'm just sick to death of the whole affair and want to forget I was ever a part of it.
So that's it. Stand proud America.
Some of you know what I mean. The rest are probably blissfully ignorant. Either way, thanks for 8 lucky as hell years..
PS – fear tactics are a form of terrorism. People who buy into absolutism and who feed absolutism through ridiculous radical statements, and messages like this are a very (admittedly lame) form of fear tactic and ultimately, terrorism. Before you buy in to anything like this, look into the facts yourself.
So I sent this to a good friend of mine, who happens to be very talented.. She was shocked at first, thinking I wrote the first one, but persevered until the second one. She, who will remain nameless, sent me a response that almost had me peeing my pants..
Apparently she's already had her eye on the growing popularity of Cheese Sandwhichism.
(Thank you, good Doctor, for a great laugh!)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding
the cretins cloning and feeding
and i don't even own a tv
..... we own 3 TVs. *blush*
I would never try to convince you, O gentle reader, to vote in any one way or another. In fact, I won't even tell you how I'd like to vote this year. Mostly because you don't care, but also because I respect your individuality.
HOWEVER, whichever side of the fence you're on, I hope you find this anywhere near as entertaining as I did.
Further, I was surprised to find out that it doesn't matter who I vote for, the whole thing is in God's hands. I would have figured God for a "Green Party" kind of guy, but I admit I'm a laymen at both religion and politics.
Friday, October 17, 2008
From "Crazy On You" by Heart..
My love is the evenin' breeze touchin' your skin
The gentle, sweet singin' of leaves in the wind
The whisper that calls after you in the night
And kisses your ear in the early moonlight
And you don't need to wonder, you're doing fine
My love, the pleasure's mine
Since I don't have a blog, and I'm quite sure no one cares even a nanometer close to my Muffin about what I'm thinking, I thought since you are so particularly awesome I would let you it on some of the random thoughts of amazingness that have been and are currently running through my head today-strap yourself in, honey, here we go:
Muffin is awesome. He puts pictures of monkeys with guns on his blog then compliments himself about putting monkeys with guns On his blog...haha! [I'm my own biggest fan, what can I say?]
"Guns don't kill people-people kill people and monkeys do to-if they've got a gun. Click click BOOM!" - quoted from the most magnificant man in a skirt, Eddie Izzard.
Jeremy sure is a crazy-go-nuts Cavedoll fanboy... :) [Cavedoll IS cool, and apparently they've met several times in real life.. I'm more jealous than I'd admit, I always tend to miss the Cavedoll shows due to other commitments. *cry*]
If there were no calories in caramel sauce I think I'd put it on EVERYTHING! [Everything? *buys a few gallons of caramel sauce*]
I really like chatting with [this name omitted so as to protect the innocent... but it rhymes with Haira!]
It was really weird having to be silent during Dork Tower last night, even for just those few moments. It was almost sort of a panicky feeling not being able to communicate about the smallest non-pressing things for that short amount of time. If we all the sudden lost the ability to speak-what would happen to the world? I'm guessing once we gained it back again there would be a lot less texting...I know I realized just how much I take it for granted in those few seconds-kind of eerie... [reminds me of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode called Hush.. It was really good. in situations like that you REALLY find out who is a good communicator and who isn't.. ]
Do animals laugh? [not to our faces, my dear, that would be RUDE!]
Has Beeky ever laughed? I wonder what he would be like if he were a person cuz he's kind of a dick sometimes, but other times he's just a sweet little boy-typical guy I suppose ;) [this is the cat in question.. I'm not buyin' the sweet little boy thing..]
I can't believe they put "Barack OSama" on the ballots in that town in New York. Those things have to be proofread by 3 DIFFERENT PEOPLE before they are printed for the masses-the "S" is no where near the "B" you fools! Maybe they have Brent's dumb keyboard configuration setup-damn commi bastards! [Brent uses the Dvorak keyboard settings - it allows him to type like 600 words a minute..]
I wonder what Muffin is thinking about right now...I have one guess-and it's usually right ;P [she was right..]
I wonder who invented high heels? I'm thinking it was a guy who wanted to make it harder for women to run away... [conspiracy theory, or fact? YOU decide...]
I wonder what sort of stuff in other countries are referred to as "American such and such" like Dutch apple pie, or Swedish meatballs, or German pancakes...it's probably something "AWESOME" like American hotdogs :) [American Know-How? American ingenuity? Good question hon!]
How does dirt know when it's clean? [.................]
I hope we can get muppies for Christmas... [not 'muppets' folks, Kermit's safe I promise]
I hope Muffin's ready for [edited by me.. you guys can't have ALL our secrets..]!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? ...am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!...what have I done?
Just a few random things I've noticed across the past couple of days.
Last night I was driving home from work and I saw a girl in a mid-80's Toyota enono-car (manual transmission) driving along beside me. This girl must have been in her mid 20's I'm guessing..
Anyhow, she's driving down the street and plucking her eyebrows with her left hand, texting and operating the stick with her other. At no point in the three-and-a-half minutes that I drove along beside her did I ever see her look at the road.
....For all of that, she never swerved, never stopped too early or too late. In fact, if I hadn't of seen her doing these things inside the car, I never would have believed it just by looking at the driving itself.
So my question (or observation) is; are these functions just becoming so intuitive to people now a days that they're starting to be able to truly multi-task around them? Or was this girl exceptional?
Observation 2... No matter how little sleep I get, no matter how bad work is going to be, or how bad it was yesterday and no matter what the day holds for me, waking up with my sweetheart in my arms always makes me feel like a million dollars.
She does this thing where she'll be asleep (I try to get ready very quietly) and just before I'm about to walk out the door and she says:
Every day. And every day I walk around to her side of the bed and give her about a hundred kisses and one last hug before leaving for work.
And people ask me why my life is so good and I'm always so happy!
Observation 3... I predict that 300 years from now, Coffee will be to us like "The Spice" is to the people in Herbert's Dune books. Whoever controls the coffee will control the universe. In fact, I suspect that within 300 years, we will no longer drink water as we currently know it.
Nostradamus look out!!
Observation 4... One day I figured it out that if each person in Utah were to give me 15 cents, I would be a 334,975.35aire. My only thought is; how do I put operation "Gimme Yo Damned Change" into effect? I need to write a book about this... In the meanwhile, please set aside 15 cents for me. YES, I will take pennies.
Observation 5... Heated leather seats are my Rogue's way of letting me know it loves me. Or at least it loves me for my butt. Or maybe it JUST loves my butt. ..... Jeez! Way to make me feel like a piece of meat, Rogue. *GLARE*
Observation 6... I'm going to start talking to myself in my shoutbox. Speaking of shoutbox, does anyone else feel like they need to type in all caps in order to effectively live up to the shouting part of the equation?
Observation 7... I like Blogging. I just think that's an unfortunate name for it. I mean.. blog? It sounds like Blah and Log. Both of which have connotations that make me feel like I'm doing something repulsive. That may be too much information...
Observation 8... Woot!
Obersvation 9... Speaking of Woot, my girlfriend wrote me a hilarious message the other day telling me that Sprint was using "WOOT" in their new advertisements.. She said we needed to sue them for copyright infringement.. I think she's on to something. This may actually reduce the amount of money you all need to send me.. stay tuned for more details.
Ya know? Seriously.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Cat Stevens WAS a very cool musician. He ended up making some life choices that took him away from the type of music I enjoyed for many years. Apparently he's just barely getting back into it, but you just can't... go... home....
So when I say Cat Stevens is cool, I mean; Cat Stevens was one helluva musician before he embraced religion.
Which.. Man, you know, I try to be open minded and supportive of people and their choices. A person could make sweet whoopee to Emus for all I care.. but what I can't abide is people who make a conscious choice to give up something that is so obviously an inherent part of their being.
WTF man? WTF?
I thank my heathenistic ways that Michaelangelo, Monet, Van Gogh, David Byrne, Steven Brust didn't get 'the call' forcing them to turn their backs on what they are.
I respect religions for certain things.. Specifically, I dig that they usually have a doctrine of peace and brotherly love.. I wish more people were generous, caring and compassionate. I guess it's just frustrating to me that humanity (in general - please don't feel the overwhelming need to be included in this generalization if it doesn't apply to you..) NEEDS a god standing over your shoulder telling you to not steal, lie, cheat, covet and kill.
Seriously, folks, WTF?
A good parallel is; do you really need a warning sticker on a curling iron that says "Please don't stick this hot curling iron up your ass" for you to realize that it's a bad idea? Do you really need a strangely ethereal (and often floaty) deity teaching you manners and respect?
Well if you do you're a freakin nitwit. By the way, please don't stick a hot curling iron up your ass!
I'm proud to say that I've never begged the FSM for any special favors, treatment or advice. Why? Because I know with a vast certainty that any advice his Noodly benigness would grant would merely be an echo of my own thoughts and feelings.
I have my own demons, I know. I'm not perfect. Hell, if perfect were a spot on the map, I wouldn't even be ON the same map. But the mistakes I make are mine. The glories and the triumphs I have are mine. No toga-toting holy roller with an ultra-violet aura is going to steal my thunder or be my scapegoat.
I recently watched a show called Religulous. If you hven't seen it, I invite you to check it out.
*pant pant pant*
And do you know what makes me even more angry (or sad, as the case may be..) is that I am afraid to say anything that might really upset certain religious types. Why? Well, if they're going to booze up and riot for someone showing an image on a cartoon, what will they do if someone says "Jeez, your religion scares the shit out of me! Enough that I'm afraid to say it scares the shit out of me!"
Well, enough of that.. I'm scared. I'm scared to freakin death of certain religions. I applaud those brave enough to create shows and essays like Religulus. In light of recent murders and bombings and rampant death and killings, I think they've got balls of titanium. (Or, breasts of titanium.. as the case may be). I know that it was only a small number of certain sects of certain religions that have done this..
...... but they did it.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Well you've cracked the sky, scrapers fill the air.
But will you keep on building higher 'til there's no more room up there?
Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry?
Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die?
Cat Stevens is cool. I mean, really cool. If you haven't ever picked up a Cat Stevens album, I'd strongly recommend Tea for the Tillerman.
My mom was a bit of a hippie, I think (bless her soul) and she owned a ton of Van Morrison, The Doors, Cat Stevens, the Beatles and Jefferson Airplane albums in an old crate. They were a bit banged up, but they were beautiful.
I can't describe the way the slip-cases looked in that crate. Each one like a wall poster of glorious full color art. Lots of folks I know have only ever seen CD's, or even CD's and Tapes with their small square and rectangle cases..
I mention all of this because there was a certain style of art that was prevalent back in 'the day'. Or, if not prevalent, I saw it an awful lot. And let me tell you, O gentle readers, it was damned spooky.
Nightmares-to-this-day level of spooky.
They had soft colors, somewhat rounded edges and just white for eyes. The kids didn't look cute or even normal, they looked like they came from some dark and under-developed corner of my psyche.
"We don't have bones and guts, we've got marshmallows and evil... come play with us.."
Tea For the Tillerman had one of the spoooookiest ones ever.
I remember sitting on the couch peeping over the arm-rest at the crate and seeing this cover. I was so paralyzed by fear I just stared at it, barely breathing and blinking, for maybe three hours. I SWEAR to you that the kids moved a bit, and the crazy tea-dude seemed to be laughing at me.
Don't even get me started on Jethro Tull's Aqualung. (( ......... Writing this post makes me feel old. ))
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
What did I ever give you
When you wanted me to
All I gave you was grief
Are you sick to your teeth
..... Sometimes I wish I had never invented the Interwebz. Seriously! Y'all are abusing the privilege! I'm half tempted to take it away from you for a few days.. See how many of you survive.
But I won't.. I never do. I threaten, I bluster, but I am a gentle and benevolent Swede.
However, I will shake my fist at you. I will sigh extravagantly at my monitor. I will bear this burden one more day..
... but watch yourselves. You never know what tomorrow holds.
(Shamelessy borrowed from some un-named poster on some seldom used forum.. completely without permission.. however, if the creator of this fine piece of work happens across my Blog, thank you!)
Monday, September 22, 2008
My loony bun is fine Benny Lava!
Minor bun engine made Benny Lava!
Anybody need this sign? Benny Lava!
You need a bun to bite Benny Lava!
I can't tell you exactly what has caused my terror induced sprint down memory road (mostly because I don't know), but I've been thinking about the past a lot lately. This is likely the most useless statement in the world, but here it goes; life is damned interesting!
I used to be a huge fan of the Peanuts comic strip. I also liked the animated TV stuff, but the REAL Peanuts was the strip. I must have had 20 different hard and soft backed Peanuts novels. So much that I started associating myself with Charlie Brown. (Of all the Joshua Butterfields in the world, I'm the Joshua Butterfieldest..)
One of the most memorable things (for me anyhow) that happened in the strip was Snoopy writing a story that started "It was a dark and stormy night..".
Here's the entire text of Snoopy's novel (which, alas, never got published by in-strip publishers..):
It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out!
A door slammed. The maid screamed.
Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!
While millions of people were starving, the king lived
in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was
A light snow was falling, and the little girl with the
tattered shawl had not sold a violet all day.
At that very moment, a young intern at City Hospital was
making an important discovery. The mysterious patient in
Room 213 had finally awakened. She moaned softly.
Could it be that she was the sister of the boy in Kansas
who loved the girl with the tattered shawl who was the
daughter of the maid who had escaped from the pirates?
The intern frowned.
"Stampede!" the foreman shouted, and forty thousand head
of cattle thundered down on the tiny camp. The two men
rolled on the ground grappling beneath the murderous hooves.
A left and a right. A left. Another left and right. An
uppercut to the jaw. The fight was over. And so the ranch
The young intern sat by himself in one corner of the
coffee shop. he had learned about medicine, but more
importantly, he had learned something about life.
*sniff* I laughed, I cried, I learned a little bit about myself. THAT, my friends, is writing.
So while I'm having all of these thoughts about peanuts, I'm also starving at work.. (typical) I walked over to the vending machine (completely atypical) to pick up some Swedish Fish. I put in my money, and instead of hitting the E and then the 10 button, I hit E and then 1 and then 0. However, to my surprise and chagrin, the machine wasn't waiting patiently for me to build a 10.. it saw E and 1 and went to town.
To my surprise, it dropped.....
Life is damned interesting sometimes.
I would like to take this moment to salute Charles M Schulz and all of the Peanuts crew. The life lessons I didn't learn from my Grandpa and Grandma, I learned from this crew.
Keep flying, Snoopy.. keep flying!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
DON'T BLOW YOUR TOP NOW, HERE WE GO !
KMFDM - WHAT'S THE DEAL
YOU'RE SO NAIVE, COME ON GET REAL !
KMFDM - FOR WHAT YOUR MONEY CAN BUY
LEAVE YOUR ANGST BEHIND AND FLY SKY-HIGH !
Yeah, so, we're buying a house. Ugh. However, I figured out the perfect metaphor for it.. I mean, sure we've all HEARD the metaphor, but now I finally understand it:
You start off nice and flat and you think "Heck, this'll be cake!"... Next thing you know there's the drop off.. "WHAT? I need WHAT? WHAT?!?!!" And then comes the rise.. "Ahhh, ok, we're good now.. phwew, that was close!" And then you take a few minor drops.. "eeh.. eeeeeeh! EEEEHHH!" But after all of that you get good news and then you're back to "PHWEW, almost done now!" And then comes the loop de loop outta no-where..
"No loan? But.. but... Wait, a new loan? Wait.. an ARM? Wait.." At the end of that you're not only unsure what's going on and which way is up anymore, but now you're just flat out tired of being on the ride..
"Crikey, does this frickin' thing ever stop, I need to pee!" and then after that you just become detached from the things going on.. like you can see your body going up and down on the ride, but the things you've been through before were so extreme that these things just don't bother you anymore.. "Weee, I guess?"
And now, ahead of us we see that there are two tracks.. one track leads back to CERTAIN FIERY DEATH and the other track leads to the house..
*pant pant pant pant*
And part of you is just like "Hell with it.. I don't care where I end up, just want off the ride!" Though even though you say it, you think "Well, ok, I care a lot, but I feel tougher saying things like Hell With It.."
Apparently the process for buying a home used to be more .... intuitive. Still pretty whimsical, but somewhat logical. In other words, the loan officer used to be able to contact the underwriter and explain things and provide information that would ultimately provide a more accurate picture of what the borrower is capable of.
Of course, the whole Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac situation was deteriorating rapidly when we were pushing our loan through underwriting. Maybe now that things have been seized things will return to normal? Maybe I'm optimistic, I don't know.
All I know is that it's been hard. It's hard having the rules change on you when you're 90% of the way through the process. It's hard when no one is notified until your loan just gets declined for a reason that didn't previously exist. It's hard living in limbo wondering if you're ever going to really find out.
In two months from now, when we're comfortably in the new place with a huge amount of celebrating and debauchery behind us, we'll look back on this and chuckle. We'll call up our loan officer and realtor for some drinks and have laugh ourselves silly.
..... but for now we wait. And... hope!
Friday, August 22, 2008
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You want it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime you better,
No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothaf**kin roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
My team of ninjas stole this post idea from Darwin's Apostle. Sorting the iTunes action. Weeee!
First Song: ABC -Jackson Five
Last Song: Zuviel Hitze -Falco
First Artist: A-Ha
Last Artit: 999
Shortest Song: The National Anthem -Radiohead (:03)
Longest Song: Amnesia and Pacha in Ibiza -Danny C (42:43)
First Album Title: A_decade_of_hits (69-79) -Allman Brothers
Last Album Title: Zoot Suit Riot -Cherry Poppin' Daddies
Top 5 Played Songs:
Lucretia My Reflection -Sisters of Mercy
More -Sisters of Mercy
When I Needed You Most -Erasure
Get Down Make Love -Nine Inch Nails
When She Begins to Rock -Social Distortion
Most Recently Added 5 Songs:
Authority Zero's "12:34"
Authority Zero's "A Passage in Time"
Flobots "Fight Without Tools"
Jack Off Jill "Humid Teenage Mediocrity"
Katy Perry "One of the Boys"
Find “sex” – how many songs show up? 138
Find “death” –how many songs show up? 76
Find “love” – how many songs show up? 886
How many songs? 17477
How many days? 55
Number of gigs? 101.46
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Standing in the shower thinking
About what makes a man
An outlaw or a leader
I'm thinking about power...
The ways a man could use it
Or be destroyed by it
So I was standing in the shower thinking this morning.. Thinking, man, I wish I could sing. I mean really sing. Just belt it out! And then I thought.. Man, I wish I could dance too.. Not just do the hawt bear hug, but I mean DANCE!! You know.. CRAZY dance. Like Kevin Bacon from Footloose..
I suddenly realized I was clutching the bar of soap like a microphone with my eyes closed and my face pushed up under the water..
...Like in Flashdance.. with that hot lady with the legwarmers who did that buck wild run around the entire auditorium dance.. Yeahhh.. jumpin'!! Yeaaaahhhh slidin'!!
And suddenly I realized I was humming "JUMP" by the Pointer Sisters... and my feet were going up and down like I was jogging in place.. But I wasn't just humming, I was humming into the bar of soap, eyes still closed..
Your eyes tell me how you love me
Can feel it in your heart beat
I know you like what you see
Hold me, I'll give that you need
Wrap your love around me
You're so excited, I can feel you
Getting hotter, oh baby
I'll take you down, I'll take you down
Where no one's ever gone before
And if you want more, if you want more
More, more, more
Jump for my love
Jump in and feel my touch
Jump you want to taste my kisses
In the night then
Except, I only know about every third word or so.. so I'm humming, and singing into my soap before I realized that I was practically shouting whenever it came to the world JUMP!
And then it got to the MORE MORE MORE part (I wasn't singing it in order, *sigh*) and I did huge jumps and practically screamed it. On the very last "MORE", when I was at the highest point of my jump.. the soap squirted out of my hands and hit the side of the shower with a dull thump..
I opened my eyes into the searing hot water, and I realized I can't sing or dance. But MAN can I hum!
..............Jump.. for my love!
Monday, August 18, 2008
People are strange when you're a stranger
Faces look ugly when you're alone
Women seem wicked when you're unwanted
Streets are uneven when you're down
When you're strange
Yes!! It's back!! The Podcast!! Starting now, starting new.. I'm so excited I can't stand it.
Subscribe here using itunes or your favorite podcast application: http://feeds.feedburner.com/StartingNowGamingPodcast.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Graham: Fine fine you attack the darkness. there’s an elf in front of you.
Picard: Whoa! That’s me right?
Graham: He’s wearing a , h, uh brown tunic and he has gray hair and blue eyes.
Picard: No I don’t, I have gray eyes.
Graham: Let me see that sheet.
Picard: Well it says I have, well it says I have blue but I decided I wanted gray eyes.
Graham: Whatever, ok, you guys can talk to each other now if you want.
Several years ago, we had the excellent fortune of befriending a fantastic up-and-coming artist named DMAC. He frequented our site, checked out our podcast and was an all around A-1 kind of guy..
Well, he liked what he heard about some of the characters involved in one of our games, and he offered to draw up the characters for me.
I stumbled across these pictures not long ago and was reminded of how skilled he is!
Here they are again for your viewing pleasure.
PS - these are based off of characters that I've played in various RPGs..
This is his rough draft of The Greek Grappler.. Fun character idea, but never went anywhere.. Even in rough form, this is amazing work!
Here she is in her final version. He wanted her to look oiled up for some wrasslin. =)
This is the rough draft of Scrap, who was another character that actually got a little air time. He was built with scraps and pieces of other fallen warforged..
Here's the final version. What's amazing to me is how well he understood exactly what I was talking about when I described the character. He seemed to "Feel" it.
Ahhh, good times, good times. Thank you DMAC
Thursday, August 7, 2008
She sings a song and
I listen to what it says:
If you want a friend
Feed any animal...
There was so much space
I cut me a piece
With some fine wine
It brought peace to my mind
In the summertime...
And it rolled
So many things to do, so little time. Evertime I look around, more of summer's gone!
We've started talking about the Podcast again. A slightly different line-up and a slightly different agenda, but WOOOOOO, Podcasting again. Go us!
Corissa and I have fallen in love with Ice Skating. Seriously. Yeah, it doesn't SOUND manly until you see me ice scating on katanas, rather than skates while fighting off a live grizzly bear!! We'd like to take lessons, but out schedule's so crazy it's hard to make time.
There's this seriously cute Asian girl that has been there both times we've gone. She's an amazing skater and a really funny person. She's trying to show me how to skate, but that mostly ends up with me giving her dirty looks as I pick myself up off the ice (to the sweet sound of her giggling.. ). I'm telling you folks, she'll be big one day.. BIG. Well, a teeeensy sort of big, but still!
We're starting to practice music again. I watched a video by Cavedoll the other day, and the bassist is just too freakin cool for words. (actually, the band is freakin cool, and if you want to hear a very well phrased review of them from someone who has seen them live, go to Jere's Page HERE!). However, if you just want to experience the band firsthand from the safety of your PC, go HERE.. There's a list of songs there as long as my arm that you can peep into.
Of special note is their version of Mountain Song, by Jane's Addiction.. Hubbah..
We've got our first pseudo gig on the 15th.. specifically we're going camping and taking some acoustic instruments and jamming a bit. I'm looking forward to it. However, seeing her rock out with Cavedoll makes me ask the Pick vs No Pick question.
PS - as an aside, I found out about this band through Jere. I loved what I heard so I rushed out and google-stalked the hell out of them. It occurred to me that they'd love more publicity, so I added Knesses (The female vocals for the band) myspace page to my links. After thinking about it, I thought it was a bit presumptious to do so, considering they don't know me from Adam (except that I'm MUCH more charming...) and that it was her personal page.
I did this because her page talked about the band, about songs, tours and merchandise and was pretty groovy. However, considering my newness to Blogging, it occurred to me that maybe I was committing some horrible faux pas, and the very folks who I'm admiring might think me a schmuck.
Ergo I've removed the link, but will post more spiffy links to their actual band site. Everyone wins and I avoid a potential creepy fanboi situation.
Phwew!! This Blogging can be a complicated business folks! And now, back to the remainder of my post, already in progress
NEXT, we're trying to buy a house. If you've ever done it before, then you know that this is one of the single most intimidating ventures ever.. Finding a good deal on a great place in a fantastic area is harder and harder to do, and I'm on a budget!!! Luckily, we've got some good friends who handle the Loan side and the Realtor side of the House Hunt.. so they've been giving us advice a go go!!
Life is fantastic, people. Every now and then you just need to stop and eat a few of the roses!!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
For all the ones
Who bum me out
For all the ones
Who fill my head with doubt
For all the squares who get me pissed
You've made my shitlist
Dear Taiwanese Peoples at Bitobi.com,
I am very interested in finding out what opportunities there are for my very own Turd Baby. I don’t need a big Turd Baby, figuring I’ll start small and just build onto it as I go. I hear bigger Turd Babies can be harder to manage, so I would realllly put my back into making my little Turd Baby the best that it could be.
I would be willing to start on my Turd Baby dream this very afternoon with additional guidance from you. I don’t want to mess up my first Turd Baby, after all. I mean, ideally there would be a Turd Baby in every household across America, but until people really start to sniff out our product, I’ll have to settle for a Turd Baby in every town.
Please reply back with anything you feel that would help my Turd Baby grow into something amazing and breathtaking. I’d hate for my Turd Baby to reek of amateur, after all. I WANT THIS TURD BABY TO COME FROM MY HEART, and I do NOT want it to be half-assed!
Sincerely dreaming about my own Turd Baby right now,
PS - thank you to Soubriquet for the correction!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:
I can keep rhythm with no metronome
I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone
Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
In such a small world
All curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule
Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all healed of their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
I can guide a missile by satellite
and I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
and I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handle bars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
I mean wow. You can quote me on that, son. Wow!
No Handlebars - The Video!
This catchy and seemingly innocuous song is really actually a powerful political statement. As is much of the rest of their CD. However, to reallllly understand the message, check out the video.
Two friends start off riding bikes together. They get to the city and notice that there are two directions.. One is POWER and the other is PEACE. They embrace and start walking down the different paths..
As the video progresses, the power man grows in strength and power, while the peace man sighs and shakes his head at the direction the world is taking under the care of his former friend.
Finally the peaceful man starts rounding up the disenfranchised and leading them to protest the powerful man, who is giving a very dictator-esque sort of speech (reminiscent of another of history's all time low-life's..). The powerful man is surrounded by riot troops with automatic weapons.
Next thing you know, the troops are opening fire on the protestors as the song speaks about holocaust.
You see the peaceful man get shot, and slump down to the ground, dying to the opening lines of the song..
I loved Rage Against the Machine, and their message (though I'm not saying that I'm alllll about the political music..) but they lacked subtlety, they pretty much beat you over the head with their message until it oozed out of your cracked skull.
These guys have done it.. They've really done it!! Metaphors, symbolism and a catchy tune.. It doesn't make me angry to listen to it, it makes me think. And THAT is far more important to long term change than anger.
Just my two cents, baby..
Friday, July 18, 2008
There's a crack in the mirror
and a bloodstain on the bed -
There's a crack in the mirror
and a bloodstain on the bed -
O you were a vampire and baby
I'm the walking dead
O you were a vampire and baby
I'm the walking dead
Just a quick message to say; check out Undead Soup!! This is a site dedicated to all things awesome.
Trust me, you'll dig it. Well, trust me, **I** dig it..
PS - speaking of which, here's more zombie goodness.. If you're in SLC around 8/10 and want to lurch around and bite people, check THIS out!!!
Monday, July 14, 2008
Heifer whines could be human cries
Closer comes the screaming knife
This beautiful creature must die
This beautiful creature must die
A death for no reason
And death for no reason is murder
Oh thank heaven...
One of my single greatest and guiltiest pleasures in life is the SLC Suicide Dog from 7-11. Nothing fills me up, and tickles ye olde tastebuds quite like it..
So what exactly is the SLC Suicide Dog? Easy!
As the hot dogs (for their own safety) have moved behind bullet-proof plexiglass, you need to ask for the 1/4 pound big bite. When this gets handed to you, be SURE to test the bun and dog itself. The bun needs to be soft, without being soggy and the dog needs to be hot all the way through.
hint - a professional Dogger can determine whether or not the hot dog is ready by the color of its skin.. If it looks pink it's probably not done.. The longer it cooks, the darker it gets. By that note, if they're on the grill for TOO LONG you start to look like aged and wrinkly leather
STEP TWO- (the foundation)
If your 7-11 is equipped with a ketchup and mustard squirtation device(tm), a good solid squirt of both are in order. Be sure that the squirt runs the length of the dog! If only packets are available, a single packet of each should do the trick.
hints - where you place the aforementioned squirts can greatly change your dog. Remember, this IS THE FOUNDATION of your flavor. If you place it on the bun, you run the chance of muting your flavor a bit more, so I recommend placing your squirtage on the dog itself.
Also - the amount of squirtage varies with taste.. it doesn't take much mustard to overwhelm the other flavors present on the dog. I recommend starting with the single squirt and experimenting from there.
STEP THREE- (Bells and Whistles)
This is where you can really cut loose. I'm posting the Official SLC Suicide Dog here, but I encourage you to experiment.
Take one heaping spoonful of relish from the condiment tray (or packets, if need be) and spread it evenly across the dog. Optimal positioning should put the relish in the crevice between dog and bun.
Next, take four evenly sized jalapeno pepper slices from the condiment tray and place them at even intervals along the top of the dog itself.
hint - Other options include hot sauces, onions, mayonaise, miracle whip, salsa etc.. However, be warned, each of these items dramatically alters the taste of your Suicide Dog. They also tend to dominate the other flavors.
STEP FOUR- (Finishing Touches..)
Your mouth is watering at this point, and you're not sure the delicious meal in your hands will survive long enough to get to the counter, let alone another topping. But let me ask you this; how much of a piece of art was the Mona Lisa without her smile? Exactly!! Read on, friend, and soon you'll be digging in!
This step takes a bit of pre-work. You see the longer the Chili and Cheese machines sit there, the more likely you are to have a gross "Chilicicle" or "Cheesecicle" on the spout. To remedy this situation, just take a napkin off of the nearby shelf and take a swipe at each of the spouts.
That done, you are now free and clear. You can now drop a swipe of cheese and chili (again, matching the length of the dog). Timing can be a bit tricky to keep the chili and cheese evenly distributed, but rest assured, gentle reader, it will come with time.
To the casual observer the SLC Suicide Dog looks like a chili cheese dog. However, one bite into it and your tastebuds will know the difference. The relish, mustard and ketchup should blend to form a subtle base while the jalapeno gives it a delicious kick. The chili and cheese should sit with you for a few seconds after each bite, reminding you of happier days at Weinerschnitzel with mum and dad.
Last Words -
I hate to sound like a fanboy, but there's a deal right now at my local 7-11 that gives you a Big Gulp AND a 1/4 pound big bite for only TWO DOLLARS!!
You heard it here first people!! Happy munching!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
(Turn and face the strain)
Don't tell t hem to grow up and out of it
(Turn and face the strain)
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time
So it's been a while. A lot has gone on in my world. Life has been as sweet a fruit as I've ever tasted, lately. But.. not completely without worms.
Over the past few weeks and months I've come to realize a few things:
I'm not really at a crossroads in my life. Or, more accurately, every day is a crossroad with choices taking me one direction OR another. I mean.. well... duh, right? Sometimes I tend to get so focused on every second of my life that when I have to make a big decision it feels like "THE BIG DECISION OF MY LIFE".
As Corissa would say.. "Oh brother!"
Also, I'm not a quitter. I don't give up on the things that are really important to me. Sometimes it takes a bit to figure out the hierarchy of importance, but once I understand what means what.. I don't have a problem acting on them.
Blah blah blah.. right? I know.. it's not very interesting. However, this is that catharsis thing again. There.. I've gotten it out of my system.. I feel better!
One thing that bothered me was; I didn't have a 'niche' to write about in my BLOG. So far it's been cranial diarrhea, which can't be terribly interesting to you.. no matter how therapeutic it may be for me.
So what's going on?
1) The Job Hunt Continues! Yes, I'm still searching for that perfect job. I'd love to own my own business.. maybe a restaurant, or a book store, call center consulting.. But I'd settle for an Operations Manager role somewhere.
2) Corissa. Woo!
3) Friends. I've jumped back into my Friday night thing, which reconnects me with a group of friends I hadn't touched base with much over the past few months. I'm excited to see my friends again. Corissa is incredibly willing to mingle with my friends, and they universally love her. Consequently, we've had our hands full with BBQ's, hiking, UFC fights and just random get togethers.
4) Did I Mention This Is The Best Summer Evar? I'm active again. In my marriage I turned into a sea slug. My milky white complexion was only ever darkened by anger at becoming a sea slug.
THIS summer though, we've spent time at the pool, time at the tennis courts, time in the gym again, time hiking..
5) Room-mates. I've invited an old friend of mine to live with us. He's an excellent room-mate, and it's a pleasure having him around. He loves Corissa and Beekus and Minnie. He mocks me incessantly and he's very conscientious. Now if only we could find him a girlfriend..
6) Goodbye, Lucy, goodbye. I traded in my car for something infinitely more practical, but something infinitely less gorgeous. *sigh* Here's Lucy in all of her glory (say goodbye..)
And here's "Elsie" I don't know why that name fits, or why the hell I had to name her anyhow, except.. well, it fits. Hello, Elsie!
So that's what's been going on.. in short, life is good. However, that still leaves the niche. What am I an expert on? Well, it would be vanity to believe I knew more than anyone else about many subjects, but here's what I LOVE:
- GAMING (RPG, Table Top, Board Game, Computer / XBOX)
- TRIPPING THE 'GEEK' FANTASTIQUE
When we did the podcast, long ago, one of my favorite things was answering questions sent in by fellow gamers. I loved it!! I've tossed around the idea of answering game related questions here, but I don't know how well the BLOG environment lends itself to that.
I've been Roleplaying and gaming in general for much much more than half my life. I have been doing it for just over 19 years now. This doesn't make me an expert, but it does give me a lot of experiences to draw from.
My speciality is the ability to whip up ideas for a quick game, or a campaign or a short multi session thing. My other speciality is coming up with character ideas.
What do you think? Can this work? Would YOU send me a question?
Don't make me an angry sea slug, people.. you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!!