I Hate Shia LaBeouf

Hi everyone, I'm Chris and I used to podcast with Josh. He said it would be ok for me to guest post on his blog, which is really nice because I've got something I've got to get off my chest.

I hate Shia LaBeouf.

I hate him. I hate his beady eyes, I hate his name, I hate his ultra-boyish good looks, and I really hate him with a beard.

I hate that he gets lots of work even though he has no acting talent. Every time he's on screen I'm pulled out of the movie's fantasy and I see not "Sam Witwicky" or "Mutt Williams" but I see ... Shia.

I'll never believe he's anyone but Shia because he never acts like anyone but Shia. It's like needles in my eyes. Put him and Katie Holmes on screen together and unless they're playing themselves in the shockumentary "Why Katie Married a Nutjob" I'd rather poke my eyes out with an empty box of Junior Mints than watch.

How does he make a career out of shouting "NONONONONONONononononoNONONONOnonoNOnonONONONO" over and over again? I'm not exaggerating either:



How irritating it must be to hang out with him.

"Hey Shia, wanna get some burgers?"

"NONONONONONONOnnononononoNONOononononoNONO!!!"

"Would you like fries with that?"

"nonononononononNONONONONONONO!!"

But most of all, I hate him for being involved in the ruining of my beloved childhood properties!

How dare someone born in 1986 get more screen time in TRANSFORMERS "the movie" than OPTIMUS F'ING PRIME! Someone younger than the invention of NEW COKE shouldn't be crowding out Indiana Jones for half of the INDIANA JONES MOVIE!

And for his his greatest crime, allow me to take you there:

One day Shia went to the green screen set, pushed open he door that read "Indiana Jones 4 Filming", sat his ass down in a canvas chair with his name printed on the back. Stephen Spielberg walked up to him ran over what they were going to shoot that afternoon. Mr. Speilberg layed out that in this scene Shia was to (spoiler alert) swing on vines with a bunch of cgi monkeys in a jungle (here's the best part) and one of the monkeys has the same 50's haircut as Shia's character does.

Instead of giving one of the correct responses which would have been:

a: "Have you lost your f'n mind you washed-up, goiter-licking, tea-bagging, turd-burglar?" followed by burning down said green screen studio with everyone in it

or

b: His catch-phrase "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NO NO!"

or

c: Kicking Stephen in the nuts.

Shia said, "Yessir!" and single-handedly flushed the Indy franchise down the toilet to join it's ruined brethren Star Wars ep. 1-3.

I think destroying two of my favorite 80's properties is just about enough. G.I. Joe is slated to come out next year, Thundercats has a project page on imdb.com and I've been seeing interviews with the guy who's writing He-Man. Would I like to see Shia within 100 yards of any of these productions?

NONONONONONONONOnononononononoNONONONONONONONO!!!!!

(The opinions expressed are mine and do not necessarily reflect those of Josh or Blogger.com)

To Read, To Hear, To Watch.. I Command It

Tired of what the radio has to offer lately? Sick of the same old CD's? Fear not, O dedicated reader, I have the cure for what ails you!! Here's a bite sized segment of some off the beaten track tunes and videos guaranteed to make you wish you were born with more ears!

Yes, gentle readers, I'm talkin' about..... Music:

Check out Franz Ferdinand. 90% of the songs on both of their full length CD's are catchy, poppy, fun and chock full of energy. You may have heard this bad boy, or maybe this one.. Goofy videos, but damn, these guys get under your skin!

OR

Goldfrapp. Ooh La La is right! This is the finest "electroclash" band I've encountered to date. The lead singers voice melts down some of the cold brittle feel of electroclash. I'm sure it's only a matter of days before someone comes up with a new musical category for these guys..

Interested in hearing more electroclash, or just want to read about some of the hippest new artists? Check for new stuff on Jere's Blog here!

So you want strange and maybe not terribly well known in the US? Try these on for size... Nephew.. Or The Rasmus, HIM and Apocolyptica (GO FINLAND!).. Tired of Evanescence, try Nightwish.. Holly "hubbbbba" Valence.. Kate Ryan.. Alizee..

So you're sick of the new stuff because it's got no soul, well, friend, look no further!! Collected here are some of the best of the best from the past. Don't be shy, click away....

Talking Heads -

The Cure -

Social Distortion

Oingo Boingo -

Sisters of Mercy -

The Cult -

Special thanks to YouTube for existing!


Sorry for all the embedding.. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program, already in session!

Starting Now... A Few Years Later... PART TWO!

(( ... continued ))

As it turned out, all we needed were a few cheesy "McDonalds Drive Thru" headsets, a nearby computer and a penchant to ramble. He explained that we would try to plan out a thing or two to discuss and hopefully share our AWESOME gaming experiences and wisdom with listeners.

.... not that we believed there would be any.

So next week, we sat there with a circa 1937 microphone, enough cables and wiring to gag a mule and a plan. The plan consisted of Chris pointing at people and giving them frantic gestures to get them to pipe up and contribute.

Well, that in itself isn't very interesting, but what IS interesting is that I LOVED IT! I was instantly our Podcast's #1 fan. I started calling myself "The Shark" just because it sounded tough, mysterious and.... well.... sharky!!

Pretty soon I was bogarting the microphone with the best of them. We talked about what games we were playing, how we created characters, why we gamed, women, booze, movies and dang near everything that popped into our heads! We recorded these for ourselves, but soon realized that people were listening to us.

....Wow.

People started writing to us asking questions, requesting advice, and just overall wanting to contribute to the podcast. To handle all of this, Chris built a website and forums for us.. Now people could interact with us directly. To me, this was the single coolest thing I'd ever been a part of.. I was experiencing an almost perpetual multimediagasm!

I still experience the ticklepee-pees just thinking about some of the cool folks we interacted with on a regular basis. Brilliant people. Creative people. Down to Earth people.. People from across the world (we had listeners in Denmark and Eastern Europe... no kidding!) I still run into some of these people even now.

However, all good things must end. Scheduling conflicts, internal strife, divorce and other factors slowly prevented us from getting together and podcasting. Our listeners slowly drifted away to look for more active Podcasts, and we just kind of stopped. There was no speech given, no eulogies read... just silence.

But, it's STILL in there.. It's an itch under my skin that I can't figure out how to scratch. It's a nagging in the back of my mind... "Jeez, that would be awesome to 'Cast about.." I wonder what our listeners are listening too right now, and if I'd enjoy it too..

But most of all, I just wanted to cram as much of life into my mouth at once as possible...

RIP, Starting Now.

PS - Thanks to Miked! for inspiring me to reminisce about the show..

Starting Now... A few years later... Part One

Several years ago, in another life, a truly brilliant friend of mine suggested that we break into the brand spanking new world of podcasting. Our responses were a clear signal of how progressive minded our group was.. It went something like this:

What the hell is a Podcast? Why the hell should we do it? Will this cut into gaming time? HELL no! Can we make money doing it? Is it going to be work?

However, as I mention this, I realize that I've started this story in the middle. Let me take a step even further back..

**the air shimmers into flashback montage mode**

You see, I am a gamer. I'm not ashamed at all, I LOVE gaming. I love the people that game, I love my contributions to gaming and I love damned near every element of gaming. I play board games, card games, roleplaying games, computer games.. you name it, I play it.

Like every other element of culture, the people who game tend to gravitate towards others who game. Eventually, in many cases, you develop a "group". A group of gamers tend to share certain fundamental beliefs about gaming.... for the most part.

Anyhow, I have known my current groups for many years. At this point I'm really good friends with pretty much all of the folks I game with. We don't just hang out to game, we socialize in all other elements of our lives. So, there's a pretty strong bond there that lasts even longer than the gaming itself, as some people change their views on gaming in general. (Hang on, I'm SOOO almost back to the story at hand.. honest!)

So our gaming group, we'll call them TaNGG (Tuesday Night Gaming Group..) met weekly. The night consisted of an hour of BS'ing, 3 hours of solid gaming, a half hour of post coital BS'ing and then back to our normal lives.

One of our members, The Hoffmangler (AKA Mistah "H", AKA Hoffamunch AKA Chris..) is always on the cutting edge of whatever fad is coming our way. He ALWAYS inflicts this fad on us ruthlessly (for our own good) and then loses interest in the blink of an eye.

**Josh snaps awake, quickly wiping drool off his chin and forcing his eyes into what he hopes is an alert demeanor**

RIGHT!!

So, there we are.. Wondering what the hell Podcasting was all about, and what it would take to distract Chris from his "dream" of being real live podcasters.

(( To Be Continued.....))

TV

I don't watch TV.

I haven't for almost 10 years now, I think. I have a TV, sure, and a ton of DVD's, but I don't watch it real time. It's funny how much of American culture I miss out on by cutting TV out of my life. Small things, big things and damned near every-thing in between.

I don't object to it in theory, or in practice, I just don't have time. Or - more specifically - I don't feel like making time for it. What would I cut? Tennis? Gaming with friends? Going out for Pho? Scrabble? Why trade a highly interactive form of entertainment for one that isn't?

As it turns out, there are quite a few things I'd love to see on TV. ROME, The Tudors, BattleStar Galactica, Heroes... All cool shows, that I'm going to end up owning on DVD anyhow. Then there's Buffy.. Ahhh, and the first few seasons of Angel. And the Dresden Files.. (anyone ever see that?) There's a TON of good TV that's not on TV anymore.

Why? Why do shows like Firefly get cut from the air, while shows like Everyone Loves Raymond last forever? To answer that, I'd have to introduce you to the great unwashed. The people who ultimately pay the TV stations to do what they do. The lowest common denominator. (Hey, I laughed at what I saw of Raymond myself, but there's a pretty big disparity, you have to admit...)

Of course, one can't talk about TV without talking about the growing cost of good programming. Cable is just flat out down-right expensive.

Bottom line? After a hard day in the office missing inside jokes about the latest sitcom I've never even heard of, I have nothing but whiskey, extra money and conversations with others to console me.

..... Hmmm, ya know, that doesn't sound half bad. ;)

Intermission...

From me...

I die a little each time you leave..
And walk away from me.
And though I know, you'll come and go It's the coming I want to see!

I need to see your sparkling eyes,
I need to smell your skin!
I need to feel your arms around me,
And revel in our sin.

I need to hear I love you,
I need to see you smile,
'cause if you're away a single day,
I'm dying all the while.

Another....

I never thought I'd walk the moon,
or sail the seven seas.
I never thought I'd touch the clouds,
or ride upon the breeze!
I never thought I'd do these things,
A shame to never do,
But I never guessed I'd meet a girl,
I'd love like I love you!

Now every second I'm with you,
I feel like I can fly.
Like the moon crunches under every step,
That I could never die!
Every morning, every night and all the time between,
I think of your touch,
Your kiss,
Your smile,
And all the things we've seen!

I now believe in living dreams,
That wishes can come true..
I hardly care what tomorrow brings,
As long as it brings you.
So here's my love back at you, baby..
Wrapped in words that rhyme.
And as you read each metered verse,
Corissa,
Corissa,
My darling Corissa..
Your name, I'll say, a hundred times each day,
Until the end of time.

Another...

We order dinner in a high class restaurant,
Everyone here is so polite..
Fancy red flowers on a fancier tablecloth,
The place is lit with soft moonlight..

But it’s not the wine with an Italian name
It’s not the soft music that they play..
I know it’s not the dinner at all,
It’s the quiet things you say..

You whisper “oh, god, take my hand,
Hold me where the light won’t go..
Oh, god, take my hand..
Touch my body, take it slow..”

I have to guess what’s under the tablecloth..
Your legs are crossed so tight..
One finger traces lines around your glass..
Your other hand is hidden by night.

Your words are burned into my thoughts now..
Still too far away for me to hold.
You’re sliding down into your chair now..
The fancy restaurant slips away..

You whisper “oh, god, take my hand,
Hold me where the light won’t go..
Oh, god, take my hand..
Touch my body, take it slow..”

Finally, I’m touching you,
Where the light doesn’t dare to go.
Oh, god, I’m touching an angel..
Touching an angel, taking it slow..

You scream “OH GOD, That’s it, love!”
“Deeper now, there you go!
OH GOD, take me, baby..
Take me harder, take me slow.. ”

Another....

Nightfall on your shoulders, autumn in your eyes..
Summer’s color on your skin, lips are sunset skies
I’ll never tire of the changing seasons,
I’ll never bore of its touch.
I’ll never turn aside from the kind of things,
I’ve learned to love so much.

Raaaaaaaaagee!!

Rage, baby! Pure uninhibited rage!!

I'm no sociologist, but I would wager that a big chunk of the anger and rage of the world comes from embarrassment. Knowing that you've let someone down, or that you've done something to make yourself or the ones you love look bad.

Humiliation!

How many wars, duels and fist-fights have broken out due to loss of face? Countless. Hell, I can't count all of the times that it's happened to me alone. Pride cometh before the fall. No shit.

What complicates the situation is when you are not sure if you should just move on past the thing that caused the embarrassment, or if you should go out of your way to apologize and fix the situation. There's a balance between "thinking things to death" and "not giving a rat's ass", but that balance is hard for some people to find.

I always always lean on the "thinking things to death" side of the fence. Doubly so when the initial embarrassment involved someone I care about.

None of this is new to any of you O astute readers, I realize. But stating it aloud makes me consider it carefully. Under the microscope so to speak. Mostly because I have always considered myself an emotionally mature person.

Maybe I am in the grand cosmic scheme of things.. but I keep finding areas to work on.. Improve.. This is pretty natural, I'm sure.. but I'm old now.. *points at the gray hairs*.. SEE? So I should be fixed by now, right?