Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I Hate Shia LaBeouf
Hi everyone, I'm Chris and I used to podcast with Josh. He said it would be ok for me to guest post on his blog, which is really nice because I've got something I've got to get off my chest.
I hate Shia LaBeouf.
I hate him. I hate his beady eyes, I hate his name, I hate his ultra-boyish good looks, and I really hate him with a beard.
I hate that he gets lots of work even though he has no acting talent. Every time he's on screen I'm pulled out of the movie's fantasy and I see not "Sam Witwicky" or "Mutt Williams" but I see ... Shia.
I'll never believe he's anyone but Shia because he never acts like anyone but Shia. It's like needles in my eyes. Put him and Katie Holmes on screen together and unless they're playing themselves in the shockumentary "Why Katie Married a Nutjob" I'd rather poke my eyes out with an empty box of Junior Mints than watch.
How does he make a career out of shouting "NONONONONONONononononoNONONONOnonoNOnonONONONO" over and over again? I'm not exaggerating either:
How irritating it must be to hang out with him.
"Hey Shia, wanna get some burgers?"
"Would you like fries with that?"
But most of all, I hate him for being involved in the ruining of my beloved childhood properties!
How dare someone born in 1986 get more screen time in TRANSFORMERS "the movie" than OPTIMUS F'ING PRIME! Someone younger than the invention of NEW COKE shouldn't be crowding out Indiana Jones for half of the INDIANA JONES MOVIE!
And for his his greatest crime, allow me to take you there:
One day Shia went to the green screen set, pushed open he door that read "Indiana Jones 4 Filming", sat his ass down in a canvas chair with his name printed on the back. Stephen Spielberg walked up to him ran over what they were going to shoot that afternoon. Mr. Speilberg layed out that in this scene Shia was to (spoiler alert) swing on vines with a bunch of cgi monkeys in a jungle (here's the best part) and one of the monkeys has the same 50's haircut as Shia's character does.
Instead of giving one of the correct responses which would have been:
a: "Have you lost your f'n mind you washed-up, goiter-licking, tea-bagging, turd-burglar?" followed by burning down said green screen studio with everyone in it
b: His catch-phrase "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NO NO!"
c: Kicking Stephen in the nuts.
Shia said, "Yessir!" and single-handedly flushed the Indy franchise down the toilet to join it's ruined brethren Star Wars ep. 1-3.
I think destroying two of my favorite 80's properties is just about enough. G.I. Joe is slated to come out next year, Thundercats has a project page on imdb.com and I've been seeing interviews with the guy who's writing He-Man. Would I like to see Shia within 100 yards of any of these productions?
(The opinions expressed are mine and do not necessarily reflect those of Josh or Blogger.com)