Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I Hate Shia LaBeouf


Hi everyone, I'm Chris and I used to podcast with Josh. He said it would be ok for me to guest post on his blog, which is really nice because I've got something I've got to get off my chest.

I hate Shia LaBeouf.

I hate him. I hate his beady eyes, I hate his name, I hate his ultra-boyish good looks, and I really hate him with a beard.

I hate that he gets lots of work even though he has no acting talent. Every time he's on screen I'm pulled out of the movie's fantasy and I see not "Sam Witwicky" or "Mutt Williams" but I see ... Shia.

I'll never believe he's anyone but Shia because he never acts like anyone but Shia. It's like needles in my eyes. Put him and Katie Holmes on screen together and unless they're playing themselves in the shockumentary "Why Katie Married a Nutjob" I'd rather poke my eyes out with an empty box of Junior Mints than watch.

How does he make a career out of shouting "NONONONONONONononononoNONONONOnonoNOnonONONONO" over and over again? I'm not exaggerating either:



How irritating it must be to hang out with him.

"Hey Shia, wanna get some burgers?"

"NONONONONONONOnnononononoNONOononononoNONO!!!"

"Would you like fries with that?"

"nonononononononNONONONONONONO!!"

But most of all, I hate him for being involved in the ruining of my beloved childhood properties!

How dare someone born in 1986 get more screen time in TRANSFORMERS "the movie" than OPTIMUS F'ING PRIME! Someone younger than the invention of NEW COKE shouldn't be crowding out Indiana Jones for half of the INDIANA JONES MOVIE!

And for his his greatest crime, allow me to take you there:

One day Shia went to the green screen set, pushed open he door that read "Indiana Jones 4 Filming", sat his ass down in a canvas chair with his name printed on the back. Stephen Spielberg walked up to him ran over what they were going to shoot that afternoon. Mr. Speilberg layed out that in this scene Shia was to (spoiler alert) swing on vines with a bunch of cgi monkeys in a jungle (here's the best part) and one of the monkeys has the same 50's haircut as Shia's character does.

Instead of giving one of the correct responses which would have been:

a: "Have you lost your f'n mind you washed-up, goiter-licking, tea-bagging, turd-burglar?" followed by burning down said green screen studio with everyone in it

or

b: His catch-phrase "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO NO NO!"

or

c: Kicking Stephen in the nuts.

Shia said, "Yessir!" and single-handedly flushed the Indy franchise down the toilet to join it's ruined brethren Star Wars ep. 1-3.

I think destroying two of my favorite 80's properties is just about enough. G.I. Joe is slated to come out next year, Thundercats has a project page on imdb.com and I've been seeing interviews with the guy who's writing He-Man. Would I like to see Shia within 100 yards of any of these productions?

NONONONONONONONOnononononononoNONONONONONONONO!!!!!

(The opinions expressed are mine and do not necessarily reflect those of Josh or Blogger.com)

7 comments:

Eric said...

HAHAHA! I Googled "I hate Shia LaBeouf" and found this site and this hilarious post!

Agreed 100%. I just saw the swinging with the monkeys scene and wanted to barf.

eclectic78 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eclectic78 said...

Hilarious!! I didn't know that anyone could possibly hate Shia LaBeouf any more than my husband and I, but you're getting damn close. ;) To really ramp it up for you, here's some more hate fodder for your viewing displeasure:

(These were really long links, so I used TinyURL to shorten them)

The tarded younger years

Tarded-ass hair in "Holes"
(No offense to all people everywhere who have mental retardation. Anything you do or say is perfectly excused by your impaired mental development. Shia, on the other hand, has no excuse.)

Director says: Get down, on the ground... cell phone in hand... make "concerned" face.
Two different movies, same idiotic face:
The "Concerned" Look
The "Concerned" Look - Take 2

Derrrrrr moments....
Derrrr #1
And yet another derrrr

This is what happens when you go to the salon and request
"Le Douchebag"

Worse douchebag hair

How unfair! His dad looks like Moses

But, you can be consoled by the fact that his name means
"Sh*t the beef"

MeetVirginia said...

Haha!
I am a huge fan of Shia myself and I was surprised of myself laughing my tits off about your post.
I see where you're coming from. And so does he. I bet you gonna hate me for posting it, but he somewhere said summin like "I understand a lot of people hating me. If I was a regular movie fan and there was this kid who has his face in every movie I wanna see, I would instantly hate him."

I mean the movies he does are mostly crap. But then again he's become kind of Steven Spielberg's pet and his universal weapon. Which sucks, cause you can't just go and blindly cast the same actor for every movie you do. Of course his acting sucks in some of them. Still Shia was the thing I enjoyed most about Indy 4 and I liked him in Holes and in Constantine. He's a good actor, but not good enough to play every stupid role Steven Spielbergs tells him to.
He should learn to chose.

MeetVirginia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nkjaer said...

Hello to all;D

I am really sad, and felt that i had to agree with the author.
This is why.

A few days ago, when i saw Indy4, I was really looking forward to see, Indiana Jones kicking the bad guys.

But then apparently they desided to offer Shia LaBeouf for a secondary role, and sadly he is in the movie kinda' 80 percent of the time.

One thing I hate about Mr.LaBeouf is, he has no credibility, you see him in almost every movie, either as the anoying teenager(I-robot) or the fake lines hero(Indiana jones 4), for instance you would never see Angelina Jolie in a Donald Duck movie, but apparently Mr.LaBeouf answers a "YES!" to every offer, without considering that you have to build some respect, if you want to make a breakthrough in Hollywood.

Oh and I have to say, to Mr.Spielberg that the scene were Shia swings through the jungle, is embarasing that, it could even get in a Indiana Jones movie, the whole Indiana Jones consept is ruined.

If Mr.Sir Sean Connery was in the movie, it could maybe just save the movie some stars, But then again it was clever of Mr.Sir Sean Connery to back out, before he would loose his image being in a so bad a movie like indy 4.
It would look really bad see Sean and Shia in a same movie, right?

But at least Mr. Ford was okey to watch;D
And to Mr. Spielberg,
"not good enough!"

Dag said...

I am so glad I am not alone :)