Buying a Home Is Like....

From "Inane" by KMFDM

DON'T BLOW YOUR TOP NOW, HERE WE GO !

KMFDM - WHAT'S THE DEAL
YOU'RE SO NAIVE, COME ON GET REAL !

KMFDM - FOR WHAT YOUR MONEY CAN BUY
LEAVE YOUR ANGST BEHIND AND FLY SKY-HIGH !

Yeah, so, we're buying a house. Ugh. However, I figured out the perfect metaphor for it.. I mean, sure we've all HEARD the metaphor, but now I finally understand it:

You start off nice and flat and you think "Heck, this'll be cake!"... Next thing you know there's the drop off.. "WHAT? I need WHAT? WHAT?!?!!" And then comes the rise.. "Ahhh, ok, we're good now.. phwew, that was close!" And then you take a few minor drops.. "eeh.. eeeeeeh! EEEEHHH!" But after all of that you get good news and then you're back to "PHWEW, almost done now!" And then comes the loop de loop outta no-where..
"No loan? But.. but... Wait, a new loan? Wait.. an ARM? Wait.." At the end of that you're not only unsure what's going on and which way is up anymore, but now you're just flat out tired of being on the ride..
"Crikey, does this frickin' thing ever stop, I need to pee!" and then after that you just become detached from the things going on.. like you can see your body going up and down on the ride, but the things you've been through before were so extreme that these things just don't bother you anymore.. "Weee, I guess?"

And now, ahead of us we see that there are two tracks.. one track leads back to CERTAIN FIERY DEATH and the other track leads to the house..

*pant pant pant pant*

And part of you is just like "Hell with it.. I don't care where I end up, just want off the ride!" Though even though you say it, you think "Well, ok, I care a lot, but I feel tougher saying things like Hell With It.."

Apparently the process for buying a home used to be more .... intuitive. Still pretty whimsical, but somewhat logical. In other words, the loan officer used to be able to contact the underwriter and explain things and provide information that would ultimately provide a more accurate picture of what the borrower is capable of.

Of course, the whole Fanny Mae and Freddie Mac situation was deteriorating rapidly when we were pushing our loan through underwriting. Maybe now that things have been seized things will return to normal? Maybe I'm optimistic, I don't know.

All I know is that it's been hard. It's hard having the rules change on you when you're 90% of the way through the process. It's hard when no one is notified until your loan just gets declined for a reason that didn't previously exist. It's hard living in limbo wondering if you're ever going to really find out.

In two months from now, when we're comfortably in the new place with a huge amount of celebrating and debauchery behind us, we'll look back on this and chuckle. We'll call up our loan officer and realtor for some drinks and have laugh ourselves silly.

..... but for now we wait. And... hope!